Woman Spent Weeks Poisoning Her Boss's Coffee with Pills and Eye Drops

People have been poisoning other people with food since forever, through countless means and with countless motives.

It's a time-honored method of homicide, which is equally subtle and dramatic. Subtle because of the non-confrontational method employed, and dramatic because eating or drinking something and then keeling over and dying is, well, pretty dramatic in a Shakespearean sense.

But the absurdity of criminal poisoning is only heightened when the plan is foiled—like the recent case of one Wisconsin woman who allegedly tried to poison her boss with a whole gamut of additives in his coffee.

Apparently incapable of doing a quick Google search (though, come to think of it, having "how to poison your boss" in your browser history might not have been the best move here), Karen M. Zenner put caffeine pills, water pills, anti-anxiety medication, and eye drop solution in her boss's coffee for three weeks, in sincere hopes that "he would forget about $2,000 he loaned her."

According to court documents obtained by Wausau Daily Herald, Zenner's boss found five pills in his Styrofoam coffee cup that she brought for him from home. He had also noticed "residue or a slummy lump" at the bottom of his coffees for a few weeks, and finally decided to go to police, whom she confessed to, but said she did not intend to actually kill her boss.

She just wanted to distract him until he forgot about her debt, and somehow thought eyedrops and water pills could induce memory loss. (Right…) Zenner also told cops that she worked for her boss, whose identity was not disclosed, for a decade and "considered him to be a friend."

All of which goes to show that you can never be too sure who is trying to poison you with your favorite food and drinks. Beware of "slummy lumps."