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J Mascis Gets Fired (Twice) in New Funny or Die Video

“I’m not really a relationship kind of guy,” the Dinosaur Jr. frontman says in a 20-minute ‘Long Haired Businessmen’ clip.

by Alex Robert Ross
May 20 2017, 4:42pm

Dinosaur Jr. frontman and silver-maned adonis J Mascis can give excruciating interviews. When he told Spin in 1989 that he didn't like to play guitar, for example, writer Erik Davis persisted:

"You really don't like to play guitar?"
"Why do you do it?"

Then there's this, from a 1993 piece called J Mascis is God:

"Interviews are stupid. Most of the time they want to talk about the album. I have nothing to say about it. It's an album, listen to it."

Over the last few years, Mascis has blown this up into a brilliant, deadpan comedy, mocking the whole idea of the interview itself like a backwards Nardwuar. When he released his solo record Several Shades of Why in 2011, a video went up of an interview between Mascis and Maureen, the mother of Sub Pop General Manager Megan Jasper. It was mostly awkward silences and stoned bafflement in response to questions like, "How can anyone have a name like J?"

Mascis takes that to its logical extreme in a new Funny or Die clip with the doublespeaking Office-esque trio, Long Haired Businessmen. Mascis sits in a suit for 20 minutes while the "Senior Team Leaders" at a drab office fire him from his nondescript job, then offer him a raise, then fire him again. The bosses get some quality absurd lines off—"It's a doggy dog world, and frankly we've been hiring cats" is perfect—but Mascis, parodying his own aloof interview responses, doesn't budge. He stares blankly across the desk and mumbles that he loves Bitcoin and that "the whole point" is that you're not really supposed to know what Bitcoin is anyway; he says he's excited about burner phones, but doesn't raise his voice above a croak. And, "I'm not really a relationship kind of guy" is the perfect J Mascis retort. Watch the clip in full above.

For what it's worth, Mascis was pretty open when he ranked Dinosaur Jr.'s ten studio albums for Noisey last year.

Alex Robert Ross loves Bitcoin. Follow him on Twitter.