That Time David Gborie Was 'Deflowered' on an Acura Bumper
On Thursday's episode of 'PARTY LEGENDS,' the comedian rehashed the details of what he says was "one of the best nights I've ever had."
On Thursday, VICELAND aired a new episode of PARTY LEGENDS —a show that collects celebrities' wild party stories and animates them with the help of emerging artists. This week we heard some wild stories from singer Nancy Whang, comedian David Gborie, Run the Jewels's Killer Mike, Fetty Wap, and rapper Kool Keith.
We've recapped our favorite parts of David's story—when the comedian drank a ton of Four Loko, ate some free BBQ chicken, and had a romantic outdoor encounter—for your viewing pleasure in GIFs below.
"My name is David Gborie, and my stories are the fucking best.
I've been to, like, a lot of party houses. This particular one, I was living in San Francisco. It was disgusting. And my roommate, old Keith Dirty—he's a real weird guy—he's this real skinny Indian guy. He's got a mustache, so everybody thinks he's Mexican."
"One day, me and Keith are going to do stand-up together. We're like, Hey, what's the best way to start our night? Four Lokos, of course. And this is the old Four Loko when it was just straight caffeine or whatever else they put in there. And by the time we get to the place, I'm fucking jacked!"
"Like, I'm—I'm Loko'd up. I was like, Tonight is gonna be a great night. So I go. I do my show at the Purple Onion. Everybody loves it. Oh, David, you're so funny! Panties onstage the whole nine."
"And, then, me and Keith are standing around, and we're pretty tuned up because we did the Lokos. We go to the bar across the street from me and Keith's house, and immediately, we find out they have food at the bar. We fucking score. There's a bunch of barbecue chicken. It's gonna be a great night."
"Then I hear a bunch of people laughing. There's a crowd surrounding Keith, and he's just, like, going to town on this chicken thigh, and there's barbecue sauce all over his face. He's just glazed up like a chicken!
And, then, there's this dude in the corner who's, like, watching him real weird like, Yeah, eat that. Eat that chicken, nigga! Eat that chicken!"
"Maybe it wasn't sexual, but it felt sexual. And I was like, you know, Keith's not an animal. He's a man. We got to get out of here. I don't care how funny it is. So we pulled Keith out of the bar."
"We go to my house. Keith stumbles outside to take a piss. There's these two girls in a car right in front of our apartment. They roll down the window, and Keith's like, Hey, man, uh, come in here. We got—We got to smoke some weed, man. I'm like, This is fucked, because I look at these ladies in this car, and they do not look like they're fucking around. It was a younger girl in one of those goose down jackets and then an older lady who was so big. Just big."
"She gets out of the car and looks at all of us, and she's like, I got a gun and a knife. We were like, That's cool. We got some weed. We bring these two ladies into our house, and we start drinking with them, and it gets weird.
The older lady, she starts, like, making fun of me for being dark-skinned. And I was eight Lokos deep at this point, so I was like, Don't you do that! Don't you do that to me! And, then, I flipped it, and next thing you know, she's sitting in my lap."
"So, I'm telling this lady, Hey, maybe we should go outside. It's kind of crowded in here.
We go outside, and she shows me her breasts, and she says, Get these titties, nigga!
And she puts my head in there and then just, like—like, boxing."
"My door's still open, and I'm like, This is the best night ever! Uh, but we can't do this in front of the open door. So we go two cars up the street."
"She deflowers me on the bumper of an Acura, and it was weird, because her young friend was down the street, and she just kept yelling, Tamika, let's go! Let's go!
And, then, much like her friend asked, Tamika left and I went back into my apartment with Keith covered in chicken grease. And that was one of the best nights I've ever had."