An Interracial Couple Started the New Year Off with Some Racism

Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

-It's a new year, which means that we are one step closer to the racial utopia envisioned on popular science fiction series, Star Trek! I know, it's very exciting! The future is going to be so cool. In addition to racial harmony and space travel, I hear that in just a few centuries, Olive Garden's "Neverending Pasta Bowl" will be a year-round menu item.

Back in the present, shit still fucking sucks. It seems that not a month goes by without an "anonymous person left a racial slur on my receipt, parking ticket, high school yearbook, etc." story popping up.

This week saw yet another accusation of note-based racism, this time from an interracial couple in Georgia who said their valet wrote the phrase, "Jungle Fever" on their ticket.

Sam and Candea Aarons had dinner at Spondivits Restaurant in East Point, Georgia—which happens to be next to a Waffle House, so it must be classy—only to find the offending valet ticket after getting home. Sam is a Seargent Major in the United States Army, and was shocked to be the target of the message. He told WSB-TV that he was "very pleased with the service," up until he got a heaping helping of prejudice. His wife, Candea, said, "I was unaware. I was unprepared and I was unaware racism is alive and well."

The valet was fired from APS Valet and the company released a statement saying, "APS does not tolerate racism of any kind whatsoever." The valet's name is unknown, but WSB-TV said that he was black. It's worth pointing out that interracial couples don't exclusively face harassment from white people. Seeing a black person and a white person together just as often upsets other black people, who sometimes see the arrangement as unseemly. Anecdotally, as the product of an interracial couple, I can say that I didn't get along with black people in school. I got teased a lot about my parents' relationship, but that could just be because my car had a bumper sticker on it that read, "I HAVE A WHITE DAD" in all-caps, and I was the only black kid who had a Sega Genesis. Don't hate the player, hate the game, y'all.

As with the Red Lobster waitress who turned out to be a giant liar, the jury is out on this story until more substantive proof of this incident's legitimacy is revealed. But, assuming this is true, trying to shame two people for being in love is pretty damned RACIST.

-A teacher in Cincinnati, Ohio, was suspended indefinitely for responding in the worst possible way to his black student saying he wanted to grow up to be president. Gil Voigt told his pupil that, "we do not need another black president." USA Today says that one in six students in Fairfield City School District are black, so maybe this wasn't the best place for Voigt to make his feelings known.

President Obama has never been more unpopular than right now, with his Obamacare blunders, the NSA spying revelations, and newfound interest in taking selfies at state funerals. Obama isn't my favorite president either. He's not as competent as FDR, nor is he as comically foolish and loveable as George W. Bush. I mean, sure, Iraq was a huge mistake, the financial system collapsed under his watch, and he tried to privatize Social Security, but he seems so huggable, like the Grimace or something. I wouldn't give the Grimace the keys to the American nuclear arsenal, but I sure as hell would have a beer with him.

Obama's got issues, but being black isn't on the list… unless you're some kinda bigoted asshole with no common sense. Voigt hasn't responded to requests for comment, but I'm sure he'll eventually come out and say he was just "using freedom of speech" to criticize Obama's policies. Barack Obama not being a great president isn't cause to disqualify all black people from seeking the job, especially not little kids who still think they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. RACIST

Photo via Flickr User zigazou76

-I stumbled across a headline on the UK-based Express website, "Black lollipop man accused of racism for calling colleague 'King Kong,'" and was immediately perplexed. They make black lollipops, and men sell them on the street? And why do they think they can get away with being racist? Well, apparently a "lollipop man" in England is a crossing guard, because their signs resemble lollipops. I ain't had no lollipop that says "Yield" on it. Nice try, England.

Jon Seymour, referred to as an "awarding-winning crossing guard" by the crack editorial team at the Express, has worked at Carlton Primary School in North London for 20 years. His "awarding-winning" service wasn't enough to grant him a pass when he called another black staff member "King Kong" during an argument. Seymour was suspended with pay pending an investigation into the incident. He was quoted as telling the Express, "How can a black man be racist to another black man? It doesn't make sense." You know what else doesn't make sense? Getting an award for being a crossing guard. Next, you're going to tell me they give awards to Salon.com writers. 4

The Most Racist Tweets of the Week:

I'm not racist but I don't like interracial relationships. I just feel that Oreos should stay w/Oreos and Milk should stay w/Milk. Smell me?

— Tony Flotte (@Tonyf_) January 2, 2014

If I want to say nigger, I'm going to fuckin say nigger. Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger

— VA TRUCK DRIVER (@Redneck45Rem) December 28, 2013

I really wish I could grow some real facial hair instead of just this beaner-stache thing I got going

— Braden Koukal (@bkoukal) January 3, 2014

If Lorde actually looked like this she wouldn't be dating a chink pic.twitter.com/yndSa9kLM5

— Cristian Perry (@SlaytyxPerry) January 1, 2014

Have a safe and happy New Year. Lots to come from the American Nazi Party in 2014! Join our efforts: ANP14 . com

— American Nazi Party (@ANP14) January 1, 2014

. @thecooleyzone "I don’t know how you could imagine someone wouldn’t want to take this job" http://t.co/tKGH8M1LE9 pic.twitter.com/bEiTDPdGiK

— Washington Redskins (@Redskins) January 3, 2014

@dave_schilling