Men are weak-willed creatures. And in this life full of carnal sins, abstinence is our only final line of defense against poor decisions during the cold winters of ‘Cuffing season.’ In prior years, we employed ‘Movember’ where men shaved their beards to superfluously raise money for cancer. But in all actuality, it was to stave off partners and challenge ourselves for reasons that are not entirely clear. Nevertheless, this wasn’t enough and a new movement would rise: No Nut November.
To put it simply, for an entire month one cannot ejaculate or ‘nut’ under any circumstances. Through doing this one can test the depths of their willpower and discipline and ascend to the highest echelons of humanity and graduate to 'Destroy Dick December.' Possibly, even, acquire ‘nen.’ (Here’s a chart for reference). However, the heights are very high and many have fallen over the course of the month. But true believers stayed strong. That is, until this morning thanks to R&B/Neo-Soul empress Jill Scott.
Last night, during a live performance, Scott, recently free of the fuckery of men, took the opportunity to physically illustrate her divine talents on the mic. These very techniques Scott employed put a spell on her audience and a video was subsequently shared on Twitter. The response was immediate, with the most iron-willed on social media falling in one fell swoop to her precision, skill, and endurance. Scott is, evidently, an 'Enhancement-type.' In response to the outcry, she tweeted: “Hi. I sing/act out all kinds of stories. You should cum to my shows. After a Jill Scott show, most people get splendidly laid by whoever they came with. #iftheydontFitup #stopfrontinusuckdicktoo They also usually go on 2happier, more productive, focused, wealthy lives.”
Now if anyone, and you should have, has taken even a cursory listen to Jill Scott’s beautiful discography it would be made VERY clear she not here for the games with choice cuts like “Come See Me” and “Celibacy Blues” and this Breakfast Club Interview. As a community, we should’ve been diligent, ready, and prepared. We were not. Thirteen days have passed and the war is nearly lost. But perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Despite some questionable opinions, Scott has always had self-love at the center of her material teaching all of us the value of moving on and having sex for closure. So one could believe she was trying to save us ourselves and stop the stopping of acts of self-love. Who really knows? But as the wise Ms. Scott once said: "My love ain't watery." Thank you, Ms. Scott. Thank you for saving us from becoming this:
This article originally appeared on Noisey CA.