Guys. Please. Staaaaaaahhhhhhp. Coinciding with the 10-month anniversary of the release of the Wells Report, the New England Patriots have updated their We Take Umbrage With The Wells Report WordPress blog. Why 10 months? I don't know, presumably because the traditional one-year anniversary gift is paper, and not bitter, crybaby pixelated ramblings, so they celebrated a couple of months early. Don't read this thing. I didn't read this thing. There is not enough THC in the world to make it worth even spending 30 seconds reading this thing.If I was presented with a Monkey's Paw type of dilemma where I could make a wish not to read this 10-month, griping revisitation of the Wells Report but there was a risk my mother could wind up dead if I didn't read it, I would probably take the risk. I do love you, mom, but you and I both know reading this thing is a lot to ask. Everyone already knows and accepts that the NFL boned the Pats anyway, so please New England, just stop being so insufferable about it. My mom, especially, would appreciate it.Instead of reading this thing, just look at "It has been 10 months since the 139-page Wells Report," close your eyes, and imagine yourself sipping a refreshing cocktail on a tropical island somewhere. Chances are you'll probably see Patriots counsel, and author of this ridiculous thing that is 7,000 words long (!!!), Daniel L. Goldberg sitting next to you bathing in Robert Kraft's money.[Seriously, don't read it]
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