Down Goes Brown Grab Bag: Intent to Blow, Skate of Shame and Ice Hogs

(Editor's note: Welcome to Sean McIndoe's weekly grab bag, where he writes on a variety of NHL topics. You can follow him on Twitter. Check out the Biscuits podcast with Sean and Dave Lozo as they discuss the events of the week.)

The third star: This fan—Bald jokes are only cool when they come from other bald people.

Meanwhile, a quiet moment in the every-game-should-be-like-this Penguins-Caps game — Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur)January 17, 2017

In fairness, he had a full head of hair at the start of the game. He just decided to pluck out one for every goal the Capitals and the Penguins scored.

The second star: Craig MacTavish and the Oilers' creepy mascot—Yes, the mascot thing remains horrifying, but this is a nice callback to a classic moment.

(And yes, you kids out there, MacTavish really did assault the Flames' mascot during a game.)

The first star: Joe Thornton and Brent Burns—The Sharks made an ad featuring these two cheering on a guy getting his beard trimmed. The finished product is fine, and you can see it here. But the outtakes are glorious.

"I can't remember what I'm supposed to say. I just want to hit him."@Burnzie88 and Jumbo had fun shooting their commercial. pic.twitter.com/XV0mtUuMUv
— San Jose Sharks (@SanJoseSharks) January 18, 2017

Between this and the kids drawing thing from a few weeks ago, it's becoming clear that I have never enjoyed anything in my life as much as Joe Thornton enjoys every funny thing he's ever seen.

"Intent to blow" is a weird rule. Mention it to any hockey fan, and they'll probably start giggling and making a bunch of inappropriate puns. Eventually, they'll calm down enough to tell you they hate it.

That's understandable. The rule basically says that a referee can retroactively rule a play dead even though he didn't blow the whistle in time, because in his mind he had intended to. I can't think of an equivalent in any other sport. And since the rule basically only applies to disputed goals where the referee has lost sight of the puck, it's going to be controversial every time it's called.

At the same time, it does make some sense. Referees don't typically skate around with their whistle lodged in their mouth because they don't like choking to death, so it can take a second to stop the play. You can imagine a scenario where a referee really does decide to blow the play dead, and in the short time before he can do it the puck squirts free and ends up in the net.

Most hockey fans seem to hate the rule, but I'm not one of them. I wouldn't object if the NHL got rid of it, because I think any rule that takes goals off the board these days should be questioned, but I understand where it's coming from, and on a bang-bang play I think it can make sense.

All of which is a preamble to asking: What in the holy hell was this?

Let's be clear on what happened there. There was a goal mouth scramble, Vancouver goalie Ryan Miller seemed like he might have had a glove on the puck, and then the Predators bang it in. Referee Ghislain Hebert, who is literally standing on the back of the net, emphatically signals that it's a goal.

Then they do a review, invoke the intent-to-blow rule, and wave off the goal.

The NHL's official explanation was worthless, because as we've covered before, they always are. But it's pretty clear that the referee had zero intent to stop the play here, because the only thing he blows is his own rotator cuff calling it a goal. It's only after Miller and the Canucks get in his face that he decides that, whoops, I totally meant to blow the whistle there.

I don't know when he changed his mind. Maybe it was as soon as Miller started arguing. Maybe it was after he talked to the other officials. Maybe somebody on the phone in the war room told him the puck was covered. But at some point after the play was over, he switched his story. And that's not OK.

It doesn't matter if you think Miller had the puck or not. The point is that if this was intent to blow, the referee should have immediately waved off the goal. The Predators wouldn't have been happy, but that's how the rule works. Or at least, how it's supposed to.

The call mattered; both these teams are clawing for the last playoff spot in the West, and the Canucks ended up winning the game 1-0. Afterwards, Predators coach Peter Laviolette was frustrated, saying "I don't understand any explanation I got tonight. None."

That's because there is only one explanation, and the NHL can't acknowledge it: The referee caved under pressure, then used the intent-to-blow rule as a cover story. The league should never allow that to happen. The moment the ref said, "I intended to blow the whistle," whoever was on the other end of the line should have said, "No, you clearly didn't," and they should have figured out a real call.

Either call the rule properly or get rid of it, before it costs some team a playoff spot—if it didn't just do that already.

(Also, now you've made the celebrities mad.)

Today feels like a day where we should have an obscure player named Donald.

That turns out to narrow the list down a bit. There have been several players named Don throughout NHL history, including Marshall, Maloney, Beaupre, and current Bruins GM Sweeney, not to mention a scrappy defenseman who made it for all of one big league game before trying his hand at coaching and TV.

But Donald? There have only been three: Audette, Dufresne, and Brashear. I'm not sure any of them are especially obscure, since Audette was an All-Star and Dufresne won a Cup. So let's go with Brashear, a controversial Donald who made a lot of people angry, made other people stand up and cheer, and spent a few years in Washington, although not a full four because that would have been too many.

After three years as a feared enforcer in junior, Brashear went undrafted before signing with the Canadiens as a free agent. After a few call-ups, he settled in as a full-time NHLer in 1995, and quickly established himself as one of the league's heavyweights. He was traded to the Canucks in 1996, where he'd spend the longest stint of his NHL career at six years.

It was in Vancouver that Brashear got involved in probably the most notorious incident of his career. In February 2000, after winning a fight against Boston's Marty McSorley, Brashear turned down a later rematch. McSorley clubbed him in the head with his stick, knocking him unconscious. The incident led to a criminal trial, and McSorley was suspended indefinitely by the NHL and never played again.

Brashear recovered from the injury and played for another decade, with stops in Philadelphia, Washington, and New York. His NHL career ended in 2010 after an impressive 1,025 games (which stands as the most of any player from Indiana), but he continued to play, first in the notoriously rough and tumble LNAH and later in Europe.

Later in life, Brashear tried his hand at mixed martial arts, winning his first fight. He hasn't fought since, because sometimes you try a new job and realize it's just not for you, and it's best for everyone if you just admit it and move on.

Skate of Shame (noun): The long skate back to the bench after a goal against by one (and only one) player, which the director of the broadcast will choose to dramatically focus on for several seconds.

We all know it when we see it, and we all know what it means: The goal you just saw was this guy's fault. Him. Right there.

Sometimes that's accurate; often it isn't. But it doesn't really matter. Once you get picked for Skate of Shame duties, you're officially to blame for everything that just happened. Directors love the Skate of Shame—it's right up there with the dramatic closeup on the ref as he's about to drop the puck and the replay of the bench celebrating an overtime win on their list of shots to work in whenever possible.

Here's the thing: I'm pretty sure that like, 70 percent of every hockey fan's opinion about the defensive abilities of players on their favorite team is derived directly from who gets picked for the Skate of Shame. Hockey goals tend to happen quickly and are often kind of random, and our brains can have trouble figuring out what they just saw. Replays help, but you have to wait for those, and in the meantime there's this weird sense of confusion. Then you see some defenseman skating back to the bench with his head down and you're like, "Oh, hey, screw that guy."

I'm a Leafs fan, and I can tell you that for some reason Jake Gardiner gets Skate of Shame honors on almost every goal the team allows. He's a good player, but he just has this sad-looking puppy face that's too perfect, so he gets chosen every time. And every Leaf fan (and media member) irrationally thinks he's a bad defensive player. You do the math.

If I was an NHL agent, I'd bribe everyone in the TV truck to never give my players the Skate of Shame treatment. I'm not even kidding. I'm not entirely convinced that Kris Russel's agent hasn't already done this. It would explain a lot.

NHL defensemen should react to every goal against by pulling their sweaters up over their heads like they're suspects being led into court. It's the only way to save yourself from the Skate of Shame.

Something weird is happening in the Metro Division. We've all been paying so much attention to the division's Big Four of Pittsburgh, Washington, New York, and Columbus that we've barely noticed someone sneaking into the playoff picture through the back door. Yes, it's the Carolina Hurricanes, who suddenly find themselves right in the mix.

It's all shaping up as nice little story. The Hurricanes haven't made the playoffs in seven years, and nobody really thought they'd be any good this season. So if you love a good underdog, consider getting on board with the Hurricanes.

One small thing, though: We're going to need for you to learn a delightfully terrible song.

• This clip was uploaded in 2006, and presumably was produced sometime around then, as the Hurricanes were making the playoff run that culminated in their first (and only) Cup win. Apparently, somebody had the bright idea of putting together a video of fans and community members cheering on the Hurricanes. Then, that person found out that their budget for the entire project was $14. Then they decided to do it anyway, and we're all richer for it.

• The giant anthropomorphic pig thing is Stormy, the Hurricanes' mascot. He's an ice hog, and he wears the number 97 to represent the percentage of Canadian hockey fans who will pretend this Hurricanes' Cup win never happened.

• He also has one dance move. Look, he's a giant pig and it's one more than you have.

• Let's get this out of the way early: Carolina, I'm sure this video is just packed with well-known local celebrities. I realize they're all very famous in Raleigh or wherever this was filmed, and you will be very mad at me for not recognizing Gus the Wacky Weatherman or whoever. I'm doing my best here, OK? What can I say, it's hard to google with blood from your ears dripping all over your keyboard.

• That said, I think this first guy is legendary Tar Heels basketball coach Roy Williams. He doesn't sing, because he says he doesn't know how. Trust me, Roy, it's not going to stop anyone else in this video.

• Next up are play-by-play guys John Forslund and Chuck Kaiton, and they are not fooling around. I feel like they even rehearsed their little dance. And you know what? I respect that. If you're going to get roped into doing one of these things, you might as well steer into the skid.

• Wait, was that Kid Rock? I thought he was from Detroit. (Googles.) He is! What are you doing, Kid? Your team played the Hurricanes in the 2002 final, you can't just switch sides now.

• It gets worse. Apparently Kid Rock was given a Stanley Cup ring from Carolina's 2006 win. This is outrageous. I'm not even sure how to process this information. Knowing that Kid Rock has a Cup ring and Jarome Iginla doesn't has ruined my weekend.

• I don't know who those two TV news anchors are, but they really don't want to be doing this.

• Next up comes a bunch of fans, which is to say random people on the street who've been given a Hurricanes jersey and told to sing if they ever want to see their families again. Also, at the 55-second mark, two ladies perform an interpretive dance called "Jordan Staal's agent negotiates his current contract."

• Hey look, it's former Toronto Maple Leafs legend Ron Francis. Apparently he was also a member of the Hurricanes organization at one point. Good to know.

• We get a quick clip of somebody getting a Hurricanes tattoo, right below what I believe is the Chinese character for "Screw Kid Rock." Seriously, I'm still not over this.

• Next up is our video's first true celebrity: Ric "The Nature Boy" Flair, who struts through with a trademark "Whooo" and is then never seen again. Flair is a Hurricanes staple, and I can't give you a good reason why he isn't in 90 percent of this video. The whole thing should just be fans singing "Let's go Canes" before Flair runs in and chops them across the chest before comically face-planting.

• Wait, Alex Trebek? Dude, you're from Sudbury and you were born in the 40s. There's no way you're a Carolina Hurricanes fan.

• OK, I just googled it: Trebek grew up as a Red Wings fans. What the hell, Hurricanes? Is this some weird revenge thing where you never really got over the 2002 final and just spent the next few years hunting down Detroit fans and forcibly converting them? Can somebody do a wellness check on that one dude from Scrubs and make sure he isn't having tiny Hurricanes logos shoved under his fingernails right now?

• By the way, how long do you think the guy who wrote the lyrics to this song stared at a blank screen, rubbing his temples and desperately muttering "Come on, come on, come on" before he decided to just use that and hope nobody called him on it?

• I have no idea why former Grizzlies coach Sidney Lowe is the only person in this whole video who gets identified by name, but I'm sure it's a decision he deeply regrets.

• We end with a weird one: ESPN's Chris Berman dropping his "Could go all the way" catchphrase, which is pretty cool except that he's wearing a Hartford Whalers cap while he does it. That's just cold. Since we're kicking an entire fan base while they're down, maybe you could have someone play a few bars of "Brass Bonanza" on a banjo while you're at it.

• And that's it. Now that you have this song stuck in your head, where it will remain for the rest of the weekend, feel free to convert to Carolina Hurricanes fandom. The bandwagon still has space available. (Uh, except for you, Red Wings fans. You're apparently all already here.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com.