50 Cent, a dog, and a computer that potentially has an open Reddit window.
Recently 50 Cent did a Reddit AMA, and a lot of it confirmed what I didn’t know but maybe could have guessed about 50 Cent. His favorite book is the one he co-wrote, his favorite video game is the one he stars in (called Blood on the Sand; a surrealist nightmare if I’ve ever heard one). He bought his grandma a car because he loves her, he makes fun of his friends on tour, he can bench press a shit ton, tattoo removal is painful, his birthdays are amazing, etc. etc.
But then there were some things that NOBODY could have guessed. For example: he truly loved Benny Hill as a child, he knows what bitcoins are, he had a skeletal muscle injury in his shoulder from masturbating and that’s why he’s so bad at baseball, he is very down with expensive Chinese food, he eats out women (remix of Many Men?), he DID know what grapefruits were the whole time, his preferred cold drink is Ginger Ale NOT Root Beer, and he appears to not know what Pokémon are.
But by far the best response of the entire AMA was when 50 was asked where his favorite place he’s ever “toured through” was and he responded, “I was blessed to perform all over the world. the last i got to go was Budapest. I had fun there with melissa mccarthy most of my people cant place it on the map lol.” Now, I don’t know what your idea of Heaven is, but if it isn’t 50 Cent and Melissa McCarthy just holding hands, laughing and running around together in Budapest (which one was it? Buda or Pest??) I feel like you’re doing it wrong. I need NBC to axe any one of the countless shitty sitcoms they have about attractive white people who somehow can’t get laid, and replace it with a reality show about the unlikely but perfect friendship Melissa McCarthy and 50 Cent would have, and I think the world would be a much better place.
This AMA mainly just expanded my mind in terms of my picture of 50 Cent at rest. Obviously I can imagine him performing shows, or in a recording studio, or not throwing a baseball, but what is Sunday morning 50 Cent like? Someone did try to figure this out (“Hey 50, what do you like doing in your spare time to relax?”) but his response; “there's usually some music playing or film and television” was the most elusive brilliant way to say nothing I’ve ever seen. Justin Bieber needed this kind of answer coaching before his deposition—he said NOTHING but made you feel like he did. “Or film and television???” What? “What’s your favorite food?” “There’s usually some meat cooking. Or vegetables or dessert.” We’re just suspended in the ambiguity of his mind, where generalizations are so vague they make you forget anything you ever knew. It was truly masterful. I think he doesn’t want us to know Sunday morning 50 Cent. He just wants us to think when he’s not in the public eye, his whole life is the living room scene from Belly and leave it at that.
I will say that in the best and most beautiful turn of events, in trying to write this, I copied and pasted JUST 50 Cent’s answers into a separate Word document in case I needed to quote them, and in doing so I unintentionally created the world’s most compelling short poem that I’d like to share because I feel like 50 would agree that this is the perfect summation of himself:
i just wanna continue success
turkey and cheese
If Julie Mitchell were a Pokémon, she'd be Tony Yayosaur. She's on Twitter - @juliepoptart
If you think music is dope, you have no idea. Wait until you read music WRITING. Here's some more—an interview with 50 Cent, an article about the time we watched Soulja Boy shoot a paintball gun, and a shit-ton of articles about DJ Khaled.