A Raccoon Tries to Reclaim Nature From Yankees' Steinbrenner Field, Is Swiftly Thwarted by Man

A lot of people are saying that this raccoon invaded Yankees training camp at Florida's Steinbrenner Field in Tampa, Florida. But let's set the record straight: the Yankees invaded this raccoon's field, and they know it.

"Isn't it crazy?" the media said. "This thing doesn't belong here!" Well let me tell you, those media members, like the Yankees, are colonists of nature. Because that raccoon more than belonged there. That field was once fertile swampland, where I'm sure the raccoon feasted on crawfish, earthworms, and muskrats. But then they paved the poor raccoon's paradise and literally put up a parking lot.

Not to mention that the New York Yankees only use the damn thing from February to April. Fine, so Class A Advanced Florida State League New York Yankee affiliates the Tampa Yankees use Steinbrenner Field from April to August, but still. That's six months that they just leave the place to waste. Of course a raccoon will come back home and scavenge popcorn and hot dogs. It's his birthright.

But instead of letting him chill at his homecoming, the Yankees paid some man with a pole to poke the raccoon until he fell from seemingly a million feet up off the ground on the netting behind home plate. I wonder if it's that man's sole job—like a raccoon prodder or something—going from field to field to rid nature of nature. Anyway, apparently, the raccoon didn't fall to its doom:

Yes, it scampered away, but likely only to bring some buddies back and plot its revenge. After all, this plan to overthrow man from his high cherrypicking post in the natural world has been in the works since at least 2014, when the below-photo was taken during spring training at the same location.

BREAKING: Raccoon watches Yankees spring-training workouts http://t.co/GTMJQJYk6k #NotTheOnion pic.twitter.com/ClpOCoO83m
— Rob Tornoe (@RobTornoe) February 17, 2014

I, for one, am with the cause, Rocky. Fuck 'em up good next time.

[h/t Marly Rivera and Rob Tornoe, who aren't nature colonists]