Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Savagely Roasted Ted Cruz at His Own Rally

"I support spaying and neutering—just like Trump did to you."

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Nov 6 2018, 5:17pm

Screengrab via The Late Show / YouTube

Election time is finally here (go vote), and for some inexplicable reason, it's inspiring a bunch of decades-old comedy characters to dust themselves off and make the rounds on the late-night circuit. On Monday night, Dr. Evil dropped by The Tonight Show to chat about his plan to run for Senate. The jokes were mostly a rehash of the last time Dr. Evil talked to Fallon, and the whole thing felt like a lame attempt to keep the buzz about Austin Powers 4 rolling.

Meanwhile, over on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog—another beloved character from the distant past of the late 1990s—reemerged to savagely roast Ted Cruz in honor of the midterms (please vote). And it was a goddamn revelation.

Colbert sent the cigar-chomping, foul-mouthed puppet dog down to Texas, where he met up with Senate candidates Ted Cruz and Beto O'Rourke on the campaign trail. Triumph first shot the shit with O'Rourke, getting in a few zingers about how his supporters are "a terrifying swarm of degenerate young leftists with one thing in common—they all share the same Netflix account." But he saved the true burns for when he got face-to-face with Cruz himself.

“You can’t ignore me, Ted! I’m not overwhelming scientific evidence of global warming!" Triumph shouted, before finally getting Cruz to bite. "Is it true you will defend the constitution at all costs except for when Trump calls it ugly on Twitter?"

"I love the constitution and Twitter is Twitter," Cruz blandly replies, deciding to try and hold his own against the puppet. "Just remember: It wasn’t the Republicans, it was the Democrats that took you into the vet to get fixed, and there is freedom on the other side," Cruz says. But Triumph throws it right back at him.

"Hey, I support spaying and neutering," the dog says, "just like Trump did to you!"

Cruz doesn't have a comeback for that one. He just stares in awkward silence, presumably stunned at how savagely a man wearing a dog hand puppet just dunked on him. Whatever comes of the election on Tuesday, at least we'll have that. Happy Election Day, everybody. (And seriously, go vote.)

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