A giant stuffed bear is inexplicably back in the discourse after at least two years in hibernation. And look: Its legs are fuckin’ long.
The bear, which is sold through home goods distributor Joyfay, is listed on Amazon as six-and-a-half feet tall. “MORE TO LOVE” the description hollers. “Soft silky giant.” “Most stains will come out with just soap and water.” Oh yeah, this big fella is worth every penny of the $109.99 Joyfay’s asking for it. There’s just one issue. Those legs. They’re... incredibly long.
It’s clear that the angles presented in the Amazon listing are deceiving: They’re all shot from the feet, or cut the legs out of the frame altogether.
Joyfay told Buzzfeed in an article published Friday that following complaints, the bear “has been improved and no longer has long legs.” That sounds like the opposite of improvement to me, but okay. I also asked Joyfay about their leggy son, and will update when I hear back.
But people in the Amazon reviews are pissed.
The 6.5-foot version of the bear and the 4.5-foot version seem to have the same bear torso, and to tack on that extra two feet, they put it all in the gams.
One review stands out: “Legs are awful,” Savannah wrote in January 2016. “Hideous! The legs are like 4 feet long making the bear look like a creepy gumby thing.”
What’s most striking about this review is how they shot the attached photo: like the bear is being held hostage in someone’s mom’s den. If they’re making a low-budget psychological horror film set in a Pottery Barn, this would be a fine promotional image.
The rest of the reviews are just as disturbing and hilarious. In a two-star review, Rich wonders aloud about the manufacturer’s motives: “Notice the photo the seller uses doesn't show it's legs! I'm going to try to upload a picture showing it's full body,...this seems to be a case where the manufacturer added leg length which would be cheap in comparison to making the entire bear larger to claim it was taller than the competition. Take a look around before buying this item!” At your life, at other bears, at existence itself.
K. Erickson is our new Poet Laureate: “I expected it to hop up and sprint away down the street with a fingerless fist raised in victory... She won't keep it in her room anymore because her friends won't visit because of the nightmares.”
This bear is actually ruining an anonymous Amazon customer’s life: “Don't buy unless you have a huge bed and very large rooms,” they warned. “This guy is gigantic and takes up over half of a queen bed. I love him but his legs are too long.” Damn dude, that’s rough.
Possibly worst of all, several reviewers mention that the bear starts to fall apart after a few days of use, leaving behind tears and masses of leg-stuffing:
Legz aside, the user questions section raises more than it answers about how this bear is getting used:
But not everyone hates Leggy the Bear. Overall, the bear has a 4.5 star rating, and 74 percent five-star reviews. Some of those glowing endorsements are pretending they didn’t even notice the incredibly long legs. Others note them, but only in passing amusement. How quirky, this bear is a freak. “Legs are a bit to long for body but its awesome,” one happy customer wrote. Others mention that they use the legs as body pillows. I dunno, it might be kind of nice to lean on it and wrap its legs around you for support.
A Google image search of the JoyFay bear reveals that there are many instances where the legs aren’t just shown, but prominently featured. Just not in the Amazon listing for this specific 6.5 foot bear.
Look at this fancy bear, the 91-inch brown version of the same above:
This bear’s life is better than mine. Here it is poolside, legs outstretched:
A little research before spending more than $100 on a stuffed animal would have revealed that the legs are part of the deal. But the photos of the 6.5-foot bear are definitely skewed, if not deceiving.
YouTuber drumr828 demonstrated the bear’s size in a 2016 video, showing that the bear is definitely a long boy.
A year passed before the bear and its egregious legs started to spread again on social media. People are vacillating between virtual sobbing and wailing, and yelling that they NEED the bear and its glorious leggies in their lives.
Hopefully Joyfay will reconsider the “adjustment” to “fix” the bear, or at least release a line of Leggy Teddies soon.