As everyone should know, Milwaukee is an international hotbed of youth dancing, with Milwaukee Bucks games at the Bradley Center being the epicenter of boogie. With the Washington Wizards in town Sunday afternoon, the arena's halftime entertainment wanted to put on a legendary "Dance For Your Dinner," in which three fans get 15 seconds to put on their best moves in front of the fans, whose applause determines which one wins a $100 gift card redeemable for, well, like they said.It was all too much for young Sam, the first of three young boys picked as contestants, when they began blasting "Hit the Quan" on the public-address system. Sam discovered that a little dab will do you in.As the lady says in the video, "Hit it, little dude!"Not since Randy Breuer back in '88 has the Bradley Center seen such awkward post moves. He started prematurely, was told to wait, and when he re-started he had no confidence. The hosts yelled encouragement—"C'mon, Sam, you got it!"—but Sam only got more discouraged as his 15 seconds ticked by like 15 yeas.He put his hands to his face twice. He dabbed the most pitiful dab ever seen. He looked down at the floor. He tried to see if he could climb into his shirt and disappear. Nope, won't fit. He appeared to wipe away tears.
Clearly he had been put up to going out there by his stupid father, who never got to dance as a child and takes it out on his own kids at every opportunity. Sam doesn't even like dancing, and he doesn't even like dinner that much, certainly not at one of the stuffy restaurants where they were going to make him use the gift card. It's not like he was dancing for something he wanted, like a PlayStation game or a Paul Pressey retro jersey.So, did the other kids do just as horribly? Only those present at the Bradley Center know for sure. The video ends with the second kid, totally off the hook because of Sam's meltdown, jumping up and down and sticking his tongue out like a lunatic. It was like a free play in football: Everyone would be talking about Sam, he had nothing to lose. If you see Sam out there, buy the poor kid a dinner, wouldya?
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