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Sports

Human Robot Kyrie Irving Malfunctions, But Can Still "Jerk Off the Defender"

"...either right handed or left handed, get right down in there, jerk off the defender..."

Kyrie Irving has been solid these playoffs, dropping no less than 19 points in this second round series against the Atlanta Hawks and topping off at 24. But has he been a little… too good? A little too.. machine-like?

Today—in a Game 4 sweep of the Hawks—it seems that whatever gears Irving has in him started to hiccup in his triple-threat position on the court after the whistle, as he did what looked like a routine found in a medicine ball workout class set to Paula Abdul. It felt bizarre and interminable.

Hell, it might even be a league-wide pandemic, based on Draymond Green's glitch at a press conference the other day. They should inspect that model.

But Kyrie was likely just practicing his skills, right? How else do you think he developed the masterful ability, according to commentator Hubie Brown, to "jerk off the defender?" Wait, what?

Yes, earlier in the broadcast Hubie found himself in a weird space between phrases that somehow led him say, "either right handed or left handed, get right down in there, jerk off the defender." Well, we don't care what hand it is, Hubie, as long as the robot is gentle. Dick jokes.