Welcome to Earth, Human Seven Billion!

The people on the street have some words of advice for you--and for humanity.

Nov 1 2011, 1:50pm

Danica Camacho (left) was one of several babies chosen by the UN to symbolically represent the world's seven billionth person.

Not too long ago, we learned about VHEMT, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, a small organization led by American Les Knight that wants us to stop breeding and DTFO already. Unfortunately for Les, human beings have been ignoring his warning, and are still having Catholic sex all over the world. Over two billion people have plopped out of a woman’s vagina in the last 25 years, all of them ready to feast on our endless supply of natural resources and revel in humanity's lack of enthusiasm for war.

Yesterday, the seven billionth person was born. We can't really be sure who it is, so the UN awarded the "accolade" to a number of different newborns across the world. While we are looking forward to the monotonous hours of arguments publicity-hungry parents will be having over exactly whose kid is the seven billionth, we thought we'd go out onto the already overcrowded streets of London to see if anyone wanted to bitch about it with us.

Jack and Alex

VICE: How do you guys feel overpopulation affects your life?
High house prices in the city is the main issue.

What would you do to make sure more people like you can get on the property ladder in the next few years?
I would use tax to encourage people to have fewer children. Definitely not legislation though, just tax.

How do you feel about the supposed seven billionth child being born yesterday?
Jack: Pretty cool. I think that's a really cool number.

Yep, the big 700000000. What would you have named it?
Alex: Yeah, that's a good name. "Billy" for billion.

Creative. If you could give it one piece of advice, what would it be?
Don't have kids.
Alex: I'd say, "Good luck, man. You might be the seven billionth person, but you are still going to be shit on by people above you."

You certainly look like the kind of guys who've had to put up with a lot of crap in your lives.


VICE: Hey. What do you think about the overpopulation of the Earth?
It seems like today more people live in the city as opposed to the countryside. Back in the day, more people would be farming and shit. When you live in the city you are not contributing. I guess living in the country's like living with the world, rather than against it.

Would you like to see the government impose limits on the number of kids people can have?
No. I don't think that is an attractive thing to do. It doesn't seem morally right to me.

So what the hell are we going to do about it?
One thing we could do is try to design cities so they have less of a negative impact on the earth. Try to make it so that people don't need to drive around as much. I don't know.

Aren't you worried, Adam? Don't you think we will reach a point where there are just too many people on this planet?
I think we have probably reached that point already. I think shit is going to go down sometime soon.

What sort of shit? Surely you aren't advocating worldwide war?
Maybe not war. I think plagues are a necessary evil, though. They can actually turn out to be a good thing. I, for one, think that we are overdue for a plague.

How do you feel about the seven billionth child being born?
Don't really care.

What would you name it, if its parents for some reason gave you the choice?
I dunno. Maybe Genghis Khan.

Why Genghis Khan?
Well, he can put out. He could kill some people.

If you could give little Genghis one piece of life-advice, what would it be?
Do what you want to do, man. Life is short.


VICE: Hello, pretty. What are your feelings on overpopulation in the UK?
Well technically the UK is not overpopulated, London is. I'll tell you what sucks about overpopulation in London: gentrification. People who have been living in East London for the past 50 years now have to move away, because the prices are increasing due to overpopulation. For example, when I moved to East London three years ago, I lived by Old Street station. Now I live in Dalston. I've been getting pushed further and further away from the city center. It is not really fair.

The seven billionth person was born yesterday. What do you think about that?
It's crazy, man.

Do you think the child will be world famous?
I guess it depends on where it's born. If the child is born in the United States or England, then possibly. However, if it is born in Africa, nobody is going to care.

If you could whisper a word of advice into the baby's tiny little ear, what would it be?
Run. Run away. Set up a commune and just go.


VICE: Hey. What do you think about the overpopulation of this crazy little planet we call "Earth"?
Well, for example, it's half term right now for all the students, and when I was coming to London on the train from Suffolk, the entire train was completely full. Like, the entire train—the aisles and everything. Stuff like that.

How about the rest of the world?
Ahh... so you mean for people in general, not just me? I don't know. I mean, when you look at certain places, like Africa, it's awful. They can barely even feed themselves, and yet they still encourage their population to grow. We should definitely get small.

But how can you stop people fucking each other?
That is the question all the politicians are asking themselves. I don't know... mass sterilization? Just kidding. I don't know.

The seven billionth person was born yesterday. How do you feel about that?
That is pretty bad. What I find completely ridiculous is that we do not really have enough resources to be the gluttonous, consumer-driven pigs that we are today. I mean, we won't be able to go on like this for much longer. 

Do you believe anyone will come to see the child as some kind of Christ figure?
If they can find him, then yeah, possibly.

And if you could give the new messiah one piece of advice, what would it be?
Use a condom.


VICE: Hey. Do you think the world has anything to fear from overpopulation?
Maybe overcrowding on the tube, and that's not that big an issue. I honestly don't think overpopulation's a problem in Europe. I did hear that a woman in the United States had over 15 children, though, and that does not seem right to me.

How do you feel about the seven billionth child being born?
I think in a greater sense it doesn't really matter. I feel like we as humans need to realize that we are one of many species on this planet and that our overpopulation is affecting others in a negative way.

What would you choose to name the child?
Seven Billion.

Classy. Do you think that he will be a celebrity?
Not really, man. He is, after all, just another number.

If you could give the child one piece of advice, what would it be?
I would tell it to take care of the environment.