This Man Uses Twitter to Rate How Badly You Suck at Making Toast

The world, as it were, can be a cruel, dark place. And that is precisely why we as a society take such comfort and reassurance in earthly pleasures like an implacably toasted piece of bread. Alas, however, even toast in all its bready glory seems to be wholly under attack as of late. One cheeky citizen of the British Empire has actually taken it upon himself to bestow judgment upon our blessed toast. God save the queen.

Yes, the delightfully named Finn Mciver, a resident of Liverpool, has started a Twitter account in which he turns toast-making into a Truman Show-esque contest. On Rate My Toast, amateurs in the toast biz can upload pictures of their toasty creations. Mciver then proceeds to rate them—or berate them, as the case tends to be. Rate My Toast now has close to 15,000 followers, apparently proving the old adage that people totally enjoy having their toast insulted.

Because insult people's toast he does.

If Coldplay was toast. 0/10 @_joeyx pic.twitter.com/pm8OFo0eVh

— #RateMyToast (@ratemytoast) October 11, 2015

For example, one eager participant uploaded a piece of toast with a pale yellow substance smeared upon it. The rating: 0 out of 10. The commentary: "Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse you submit this pissy hot bread."

Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse you submit this pissy hot bread. 0/10 @jhrz32 pic.twitter.com/isZv1IJnvi — #RateMyToast (@ratemytoast) October 14, 2015

Well, then.

How does Rate My Toast like avocado toast? Not so much. Yet another 0 out of 10! The comments to this submission were no kinder. "Nobody likes avocado they just eat it for attention."

Nobody likes avocado they just eat it for attention. 0/10 @orjenkins11 @fasteddiefalco pic.twitter.com/nU3cnkW1hN

— #RateMyToast (@ratemytoast) October 12, 2015

Fair enough, but how does our twisted puppet master enjoy it when one of his puppet moves to its own tune? When one Twitter user sent in a picture of an omelette, Rate My Toast calmly stated "That's an omelette. 0/10" and left matters at that.

That's an omelette. 0/10 @EmreMeinMan pic.twitter.com/EkQJL4JQWH — #RateMyToast (@ratemytoast) October 13, 2015

That isn't to say that Rate My Toast doesn't have its own favorites. While most Americans would consider the combination to be at the very least visually repulsive, Rate My Toast found @_The12thMan's submission of beans and cheese on toast—A play on the classic English beans on toast—to be "Incredible. A symbol of British engineering. 11/10".

Knowing that I could do better, I decided to submit my toast to this scion of sourdough. I immediately ran to the nearest bodega, whipped the place clean of any and all bready goods, and got to work. Despite my creative efforts, I've yet to hear back from Rate My Toast on my fabulous submissions, but assured I'm waiting with baited breath and loaded toasters.

@ratemytoast Do you think my toaster is broken? pic.twitter.com/V3xIr2nsB2

— Alex Swerdloff (@AlexSwerdloff) October 20, 2015

@ratemytoast How do you like my breakfast? pic.twitter.com/lPU7hsUP5t

— Alex Swerdloff (@AlexSwerdloff) October 20, 2015

@ratemytoast You can never have too much bread, right? pic.twitter.com/mby8mmOVc2 — Alex Swerdloff (@AlexSwerdloff) October 20, 2015

@ratemytoast Do you prefer red or white with your toast? pic.twitter.com/Lp70PLl3dR — Alex Swerdloff (@AlexSwerdloff) October 20, 2015

@ratemytoast Would you eat my toast? pic.twitter.com/5AkdtJ5CUN

— Alex Swerdloff (@AlexSwerdloff) October 20, 2015

@ratemytoast Ciabatta or candelabra? pic.twitter.com/Sg054U48aI

— Alex Swerdloff (@AlexSwerdloff) October 20, 2015

@ratemytoast Food or fashion? pic.twitter.com/ZESopErFCS — Alex Swerdloff (@AlexSwerdloff) October 20, 2015

Keep on toasting!