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Films like this can’t be made in Egypt. Adel Imam, the last guy in in the country to craft clever movies criticizing the role of religion and politics, got locked up on the charge of “offending Islam,” whatever the fuck that means. (Side note: Adel Imam is a practicing Muslim.) The auteur was sentenced to three months in jail for his films Morgan Ahmed Morgan, El Erhabi as well as my personal favorite, El Erhab wel Kebab.El Erhab wel Kebab literally translates to “Terrorism and Kebab,” but you can just call it one of the greatest movies of all time. It’s funny, political, and, unlike most great films, it’ll make you hungry.. The story’s protagonist, Ahmed (played by Adel Imam), wants to switch his kids to a different school district and has to visit El Mogamma, the largest government building in Cairo, a Kafkaesque nightmare of a place overflowing with freshly unshowered misery in human form. But Ahmed is patient and waits his turn only to be received by a lazy government worker, who is avoiding work through prayer. (Allah frowns upon productivity.) Living out the majority of the Egyptian population’s fantasy, Ahmed pulls a gun from a guard in the middle of a quarrel and is mistakenly identified as a terrorist. He takes the building under siege, but the only thing he wants for his “hostages” is kebab—since red meat comes as often as Ramadan for the Egyptian people.Terrorism and Kebab had it all: A political undertone criticizing the government’s lack of structure and religiosity, humor coupled with a lovable protagonist, and even dinner recipes. “Egyptwood” doesn’t make them like it used to, and it especially won’t be able to now that an Islamist-dominated parliament has just introduced a bill to censor the film industry even more (Allah apparently also frowns against people kissing and hugging on-screen). So instead of groundbreaking films like Terrorism and Kebab, all we’ll be left with are Egyptian remakes of wack American movies.
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Synopsis: I can’t believe the original version of this movie was even made, let alone retold years later in Arabic. The Egyptian incarnation of Are We There Yet surprisingly manages to one up the shittiness of the original by being a musical. I would rather listen to Ice Cube fart his outdated raps from his crusty asshole into a microphone than watch the government-friendly, family-fun, goblet-of-shit this musical turned out to be.Spoiler Alert: This movie fucking sucks.Oomph Factor: Anyone who refused to give up money, time, or sanity to see this movie. (See above about the movie fucking sucking.)

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Synopsis: This is one case where the Egyptian remake of this movie is much better than the original. This was one of the movies listed in Adel Imam’s horrid crimes against Islam charge. It’s not exactly the same movie. Adel Imam plays a corrupt and illiterate businessman—because everyone in Egypt has come across at least three of these guys—who goes back to college to get a degree. The movie has oodles of cultural undertones, like the rich and ignorant have more control in the country than anyone is willing to admit.Spoiler Alert: The character graduates but the actor goes to jail. Irony ensues.Oomph Factor: Duh, Egypt. Rodney, you get no respect for a reason. Adel Imam goes to jail because our version is so “offensive.” Did Rodney Dangerfield ever go to prison for his art?Follow Angelina Fanous on Twitter: @NotSoVanilla