What to Do in DC

Velvet Lounge

There's a case to be made that DC is a bit of a weird bird. It was built from scratch in what was then the middle of nowhere, and it became the capital of the planet, essentially, without ever really becoming a metropolis, or a major cultural center, like New York or Paris. And it's a company town, like Akron, only instead of making tires they make government policy. And yet, somehow, DC gave the world go-go and the half-smoke (get the best of these sausages at Ben's Chili Bowl). And while it didn't invent hardcore, it perfected it. There are a bunch of small art and music scenes that have been chugging along for years, heedless of whether you know or care about them. Here's where you'll run into it, and also the places you'll want to get drunk and maybe buy some records. MUSIC STUFF For live music, the Velvet Lounge (915 U St. NW) is where it's at. The booking is consistently great; you get the usual suspects (experimental hip-hop, Japanese noise rockers, stoner/doom/black metal, the Ecstatic Peace roster, etc.), along with a lot of rarely touring legends no one ever gets to see much. The low-key vibe can inspire folks to get loose and collaborate with others on the bill, making for some deeply weird and incredible nights. Also, it's small, and the sound is done right. There's a bar downstairs where you can hear yourself (usually), and the drinks are cheap. Rarely do prices for shows hit the double digits. Extra points for having a jukebox with actual 45s, which sticks out like a delightfully anachronistic middle finger in a city where even the CD machines have been ripped out in favor of those risible internet jukeboxes that let every asshole play "Don't Stop Believing" after his third Miller Lite, like he's the first one to ever think of it. La Casa (3166 Mt. Pleasant NW) is a church and community hall in the heart of Mount Pleasant, a major seat of Latino culture in the city. They have small but legendary shows here (the Evens and Joe Lally played here to like 40 people, the closest this town will ever get to seeing a Fugazi reunion). Also, there are killer burritos nearby. Bohemian Caverns (2001 11th St. NW) is on U St., which was Black Broadway before Harlem was Harlem. Miles, Dizzy, etc. all played here; Duke Ellington's first childhood house was blocks away. They still have traditional/bebop jazz in the "cavern" part of the basement, which is sprayed with that Disneyland stucco crap to make it look like Luray Caverns. The cover's cheap, it's calm, and there's even a fireplace in one dark corner. The extreme-noise/free-jazz/weirdo action would always go down at 611 Florida (very regrettably RIP). The freak flag moved north past Columbia Heights to The Lighthouse (1421 Buchanan St. NW). Yes, it's a house, and it's low-key, but it's killer to see, say, Sunburned Hand of the Man ripping full-on in a Brady Bunch basement with like 30 people crammed in there. The Girl Cave (1419 Gallatin St. NW) is similarly carrying on the "DIY or die" vibe. Best DJ night in the city is Fatback, which has a regular spot at Red Lounge (2013A 14th St. NW). In the summer, the Fort Reno (3950 Chesapeake St.) concert series is a DC institution, something you have to see. It's free and outdoors. There are no booze or glass bottles because it's on national-park property, but there are cheap margaritas on the way back to the Metro when it's over. Going to one of these shows on a warm summer day can bring on strong 1988 flashbacks, because half the people from your record collection back then are hanging out at the show. Fight Club (1250 9th St. NW) is an art-gallery/music-venue/indoor-skatepark thing that was DIY and underground. It has officially Been Discovered and the promoter types have now gotten involved. The Points are/were sort of the house band there. Go south on Blagden Alley (on N St. NW between 9th and 10th), take the first left, and then go left at the dead end. (This is ridiculous. There will be literally 700 people going to the next thing you attend there, you'll find it.) DC9 (1940 9th St. NW) has some of the best people in the world working there.

The Black Cat

The Black Cat (1811 14th St. NW) is the storied punk club co-owned by a dude from Iron Cross (whose dad founded the cheap veggie/vegan café inside) and Dave Grohl, who you will never see there, so don't get your hopes up. Beers downstairs are cheap, the bartenders all rule, and on Mondays (maybe other nights, if local bands are playing) you may see some of the local music-scene heavies milling about. It has pinball machines and an actual jukebox, too. One downer: Most weekends are given over to dance nights, which is kind of a bummer when touring bands can't get gigs because of it. Whatever, times change, Daddy's gotta make the rent. The Red and the Black (H St., NE at 12th St.). It's named after the Stendhal book or the BOC tune. New Orleans decor. Both these bars are owned by same folks who own DC9. They've kinda got a chain going in DC. If a touring band isn't at one, it'll be at one of the others. 9:30 (815 V St. NW) was the epicenter of DC punk when it was still located downtown. In 1996, it moved north to a 1,200-seater, where today you can pay $40 to see Hoobastank or to get pissed on by a drunken New Jersey legislator standing in the VIP section in the balcony while he's there to see what's left of the Grateful Dead. (It happened. Look it up.)

Som Records Photo: Francis Chung

BUYING STUFF Want vinyl? Som Records (1843 14th St.) has some great stuff. I took Byron Coley and Thurston Moore here and had trouble peeling 'em out. Just go. Crooked Beat (2318 18th St. NW) has all the new/indie-ish stuff, along with a healthy chunk of used vinyl. Also, go to Smash (2314 18th St. NW), for the punk classix. It also works if you need Doc Martens, or braces, or an Exploited t-shirt, etc. Red Onion (1901 18th St. NW) is also worth a look. Seriously, that's it. I quadruple-checked with the crate-digging freaks in my phone book, and yes, this town does indeed suck that badly, vinyl-wise. Looking for a place to buy a cheap guitar or a Rat pedal? That would be nowhere in DC. You have to go to College Park, a 25-minute drive north to Maryland, and hit Atomic Music (9035 Baltimore Ave.). I've taken every band I know from overseas there, and it's fun to watch their jaws bounce off the floor (and this was when the dollar was still worth more than a used diaper). Tell your guitar-geek buddy you got an original Memory Man delay pedal there for $75 and you'll get the same reaction. The stock is great, there are always some cool tube amps and weird old guitars, and the staff, thankfully, are not the usual bunch of douchey music-store yobbos. And they are nearly always willing to haggle or cut you some slack. ARTSY Civilian Art Projects (406 7th St. NW) has contemporary art stuff, as well as bands like the Apes, Quintron, and These Are Powers rolling through every now and again, and folks like Ian Svenonius are known to drop in for the occasional DJ session. Transformer Gallery (1404 P St. NW) is along the 14th Street corridor, which used to be known only as a grim punch line—the hookers worked 14th for years, and every first-grader born between 1968 and 1985 has said "Yo mama works on 14th Street" at least 500 times if they grew up around here. Now it's lined with extremely upscale furniture stores, clothing boutiques, and an artisanal chocolatier (if that's even a word). Several other galleries are along this stretch of 14th as well; just walk south from U St. to Rhode Island Ave., north of N St.. Pyramid Atlantic (8230 Georgia Ave.) is just over the city line in Silver Spring, but it's on the Red Line so it still counts; also it's too great to leave out. It's a contemporary arts center focused on papermaking, making books, and digital arts. They've been around for years but just popped up on my radar because they're allowing the noise weirdos to run riot now and do performances there. Turns out they have their own paper mill and print shop. For decades, "Southeast DC" was a sort of shorthand for "place you are mostly likely to get shot." That's tapered off now that all the crackheads are dead. Their departure has made it safe for the Honfleur Gallery (1241 Good Hope Rd. SE), which curates stuff by local artists and a handful of international ones. It has studio spaces as well. BOOZING IT UP The Raven (3121-3123 Mt. Pleasant St. NW). Cheap, dark, small, and has a decent jukebox. What you might call a dive. Friends who have been gone overseas seem to want to come here when they get back, if that tells you anything. The Fox & Hounds (1537 17th St. NW) used to have THE best jukebox in the city. Now gone. When it was replaced with the internet devil jukebox; quality of clientele plunged immediately. Still, their cocktails are savage. A "gin and tonic" bears only scant resemblance to the real thing. Instead, you will receive an eight-ounce glass of gin with one of those tiny bottles of tonic water. For like $5. A "whiskey and soda" is similarly deadly. Also, they have a monkey in the back, or perhaps a special machine, that does nothing but violently agitate the mixers before they are brought to you. Seriously, no one has ever opened a bottle of tonic or soda there that didn't immediately explode like a goddamn bomb. Pretend you're a (sober) regular and let it sit for a minute. When someone at your table forgets and opens a fizz bomb after you've had a few, that's the clue that the drunkening is now on.

Bar Pilar Photo: Dakota Fine

Bar Pilar (1833 14th St. NW) is on 14th Street, a few doors north of the Cat. Probably the best thing to do is go on Tuesdays when Adam ("The Sherpa") makes his special cocktails. They are $11, and you will wait, but they are worth it. (Try the Seafoam: scotch, dry Manzanilla sherry, Meyer-lemon syrup, fresh lemon juice, egg white, grapefruit bitters, soda water.) He makes five different cocktails like this every week. And he comes up with this shit off the top of his dome. You probably don't want to drink all five different ones, unless you are an alcoholic hellion for whom $120 bar tabs are nothing. These are grown-up drinks, made by a man who knows his biz. Tuesdays used to be slow until he started this. Now it gets packed early. A couple doors down is Cafe Saint-Ex (1847 14th St. NW), where some of the DC musos work. The Tabard Inn (1739 N St. NW) is an old-school Washington establishment near Dupont Circle. They don't have TVs in the room, which accomplishes two things: It keeps the worst kind of people out, while also keeping the room prices down. There's a small bar with an excellent staff. If you're a wino, they've got a revolving selection of extraordinary stuff by the glass. To get to the bar, you walk through a sitting room with a fireplace, bookshelves, and overstuffed chairs. Back when you could still smoke indoors, it was a great place to hang out with a snifter the size of a goldfish bowl and chill out Masterpiece Theater-style. The Reef (2446 18th St. NW) is the lone bar on the 18th Street strip in Adams-Morgan that doesn't make you feel like you're among 400 Owen Wilsons with herpes. Except for late Thursday through Saturday, when stepping into any bar in Adams-Morgan, including this one, is like dying and going to hell. But if you go there at a decent hour, not on a weekend, the Reef has a great selection of beers, on tap only, and it's run by actual pirates. The basement of Asylum (2471 18th St. NW), across the street, is also a good hang, but again, avoid the weekends. Adams-Morgan's bridge-and-tunnel crowd outlames New York's by a factor that scientists haven't come up with a number for yet. Bedrock Billiards (1841 Columbia Rd. NW) is perilously near 18th Street but manages to avoid nearly all of the weekend stupidity by virtue of its being tucked away in a subterranean little hidey-hole. Lots of pool tables, lots of room, great beer and liquor selection, stellar staff. Solly's U Street Tavern (1942 11th St. NW) has cheap (good) beer, lots of TVs, and is owned by a guy named Solly, who is a rugby player the size of your refrigerator and hates hipsters. He sometimes has live music upstairs, and if the band sucks, he sends 'em packing. Sometimes before they start playing. Solly is awesome. Wonderland (1101 Kenyon St. NW) was on the leading edge of the gentrification of Columbia Heights. When three masked men held the place up at gunpoint not too long ago, some of the hipsters thought the whole thing was a joke. I'm not sure what that says. Anyway, this place is quite popular. The internet will tell you more than I ever could about the Red Derby (3718 14th St. NW) in Petworth. I claim total ignorance. I wouldn't mention it, but everybody says it's great, and I wouldn't want to be lax in my duties. By the time you read this, ROOM 11 should be open in Columbia Heights (3234 11th St. NW). Allison Wolfe knows the owners way better than I do, and the lowdown from her is that it's going to be an "affordable and punky" wine bar. AVOID AT ALL COSTS 1. Georgetown
2. Northern Virginia