What Christmas Is Like In an Interfaith Family

Christmas has gotten pretty controversial in Indonesia in recent years. Islamic fundamentalists argue that you can't celebrate Christmas, hell, you can't even wish others a "merry Christmas" if you're a Muslim. The Indonesian Ulema Council (MUI) said that it was actually totally OK for Muslims to wish Christians a happy holidays, as long as it's "under a cultural context and as a form of friendship."

But MUI Chairman Din Syamsuddin still said that he "respects" other ulemas who think that it's totally haram to say merry Christmas. And the country's Religious Affairs Minister Lukman Hakim Saifuddi basically washed his hands of the whole matter and told everyone to just "respect" everyone else's opinion on the issue.

So what's it like for families who have parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents of different religions? We called up some interfaith families to find out.

VICE: Tell us a bit about your family.
Analuna Manullang: My grandmother’s brother married a Muslim, so he converted. So you could say I have a Muslim grandfather. Do they ever celebrate Christmas together? How was it?
Several times. Back when I was in elementary school, my grandma’s family would get together, and my Muslim grandpa and his family would join us as well, even his younger sibling and his wife who are also Muslims. And because it was Christmas, we also prayed together. And since the majority of us are Christians, it was always led in the Christian way, but we often asked our Muslim grandpa to do a prayer as well. It was just a very nice family event. I have a very open-minded family, so even if we were all from different religions, we never felt like we were really all that different at all. What about the holiday feast?
We would usually have a potluck, the kind of thing where someone brings a side dish, a dessert, so on. The whole place is always just flooded with food when we get together on Christmas. My grandma's side is from Ambon-Rote, where the dishes usually consist of pork or dog meat. But if there are the Muslim members of the family present, we know that we have to make dishes that are still delicious but based on poultry or fish instead. And we don’t just pray and eat together, but we actually sing together, play the guitar, do some karaoke, and, of course, other fun stuff, because it’s a holiday. How do you feel about cross-religion Christmas celebrations?
I feel great, honestly. In the middle of all this separation between religion, race, and other stuff that’s going on in Indonesia today, I feel really grateful that I can still feel this togetherness with my grandpa’s family who has a different religion. We can still get together, and it just feels peaceful. Things like this are what our country needs. Every religion has their own celebrations, but why would you want to differentiate them all?

Would you celebrate, or at least go to, another religion's celebrations?
Of course! I don’t see why not. I went to my grandpa’s house a few times on Ramadhan. We ate together, and our family gathered there as well. It so much fun. Even when I was still renting a house in Jakarta, my family helped on Eid al-Adha when they trim the meat from the goats and cows. We also go to a Buddhist monastery whenever a friend or family friend pass away, stuff like that.

VICE: Will you and your boyfriend celebrate Christmas this year?
Nadya Harmain: I think so, he said that there's going be a thing at his aunt’s house. We celebrated Christmas last year by going to church in the morning, and I was so sleepy. And my dad and my stepmom went to my stepmom’s older sister’s house. We cooked steak, had drinks, and, of course, I took my boyfriend there. You're already familiar with celebrating Christmas even before you entered an interfaith relationship, since your dad is Christian and your late-mom was Muslim, right?
Yes. But even then my dad was already learning about Islam and the Quran even though he didn’t feel that it was necessary to convert. Now that my dad remarried, again to a Muslim, we still celebrate it.

How do you feel about interfaith Christmas celebrations?
Back then was fun because we were just kids and we didn’t really knew much about what was going on. Now I’m used to it, since I never really was the type of person who went crazy with Christmas or Ramadan. Big holidays just seem ordinary to me. What does your mom think about all of this?
My mom was the chillest person, especially compared to her younger siblings. She really respected my grandma from my dad's side, who was a Christian. My mom passed away when I was six years old, just when I was about to hit elementary school, and just a short period afterward I found out that they were all of different religions.

Did you ever feel like other people judge you for being so open?
I get really bored of the whole stigma. You also get the irritating version of ‘How do you celebrate this and that when your mom and dad have different religions?' especially me being a Muslim and going to a Catholic school. Many people thought that I would grow up to be this confused kid, but they just don’t know how lucky I am.

VICE: Has your family ever celebrated Christmas together?
Rafael Ryandika: We have, but it was never all that big. Usually a week before Christmas and my dad [a Muslim] was usually the one who set up the Christmas tree. I would often ask. On Christmas Eve, there’s usually mass—it starts at 10 pm and finishes at midnight or later. Whenever we would arrive at 1 am, my dad would still be awake and wish me, my mom, and my older sister a Merry Christmas, and then we would talk some more. On Christmas, we would usually have breakfast or lunch together. Our neighbors knew each other well, so my parents would cook like meatballs, sate, or chicken and bring them some of it. It didn't matter if they were Muslim, Christians, or whatever, my parents would always give them food. They say it was for the sake of good relationship. It’s really beautiful how your dad really put in the effort on Christmas.
I feel really happy about it as well. I think this is what true love is, and how love can unite everything. This also goes the same for how my mom treats my dad on Ramadan. At 3 am she would wake my dad up and prepare sahur for him, and on Christmas my dad would return the favor by driving our family to our relatives house to greet them Merry Christmas. It really feels comfortable. Has anybody ever questioned your parents religious background and how you celebrate Christmas in a bad way?
Yup. People often asked me like 'Your father is from a different religion. How could he marry your mother?' But I never really gave a shit back when I was a kid. Because for me, they don’t understand the saying that goes 'God is one, but we’re different,' which is real. I’m still fine with that. But what I don’t like is when other married couples go to church to celebrate Christmas, and when they meet me, my mom and my sister, they’d go 'Where’s your husband?' in a really sarcastic way, already knowing that my dad has a different religion. I hated it.

And how is Christmas without your dad?
This is the second year we’re going to celebrate without my dad. I don’t know how this year’s Christmas is going to be, but last year we still got Christmas greetings from his family, sent mainly to my mom. For the going to houses part, there’s this one relative who always comes to my house because he feels like he owes my dad big time. So it’s not just on Christmas, if there was ever anything, he’d be there to help.

VICE: Hi! Can you give us a summary on your family’s background?
Kezia Alia: My dad was born a Muslim, and he was a devoted Muslim. But his mom was a Catholic, and his dad was a Kejawen Muslim. My dad's mother was actually a Protestant Christian, but she was rebellious enough to convert to Catholicism. Then they had four children, and all of them were raised as Muslims. Both my uncles remain Muslims to this day. My aunt converted to Christianity, but she now doesn’t want to associate herself to any religion and she likes to read and share about Sufism and Buddhism. My mom’s family, on the other hand, is more of a conventional Christian family, but there are some of the members who are Muslim. Under those circumstances, how does your family celebrate Christmas?
My family really make efforts to celebrate it. I usually celebrate Christmas half a day with my dad’s family, and the other half with my mom’s. My mom’s family celebrates Christmas conventionally, like having Christmas service in the morning, then we go house-hopping, eating, exchanging gifts, singing—in a way it’s kinda like Ramadan, especially the house hopping bit. But from my dad’s side, there are lots of Christians who converted to Islam due to marital reasons, therefore they still celebrate Christmas but in really weird ways. Like how?
There was aways Christmas tree and stuff, but the food was opor and rendang. When it was time to exchange gifts, they have money instead [like during Ramadan]—it’s like they wanted to celebrate it but in a way that's a bit mixed, so it’s awkward and funny at the same time. They still celebrate Christmas the way they know, which is adopted from Ramadan. Last Christmas, most of my dad’s family came in gamis [ankle length garment that many Indonesian Muslims wear for special occasions]. It’s just visually different, and how they celebrate it is different from the conventional way of celebrating Christmas. What do you like most about interfaith Christmas?
What’s interesting is that it’s cross-cultural, cross-religious, and that this is happening where younger generations of my family have disconnected from their religion, or have converted. Like there’s a cousin of mine who converted from Islam to Catholicism, or a relative who wears a hijab and went gone on hajj, but after often going to church as a kid.

They’re just trying to make it work, because they know how to gather and feel at home. Maybe it takes them back to what they were familiar with, and they want to pass it on to their kids. As much as I’m annoyed and skeptical about religion, Christmas still has a special place in my heart, and it’s crazy and conflicting.