People Told Us the Dumbest Ways They Ever Hurt Themselves in Six Words
Illustrations by Brandon Celi

People Told Us the Dumbest Ways They Ever Hurt Themselves in Six Words

“Cut penis while trimming pubic hair.”
June 29, 2018, 3:23pm

Hurting yourself sucks. And it sucks all the more when you do it in a freakish or insanely stupid way. Literal insult added to the injury. We asked friends and co-workers about the nuttiest way they’ve hurt themselves. Here’s what they said. Get ready to cringe. (Damn, Ben.)

“Tortilla chip stabbed wisdom tooth socket.” - Elizabeth, 29

“Drunk Donkey Kong; keg on stairs.” - Rachel, 33

"Both nips pierced by sadistic piercer." - Anna, 23


“I stabbed myself feeding my dog.” - Rebecca, 33

"Drunkenly flipped over handrail in nosebleeds." - Drew, 25

"Cannonballed off bench onto hard ground." - Beckett, 25

“Cut penis while trimming pubic hair.” - Ben, 42

“Fell from a hammock. Broke ankle.” - Rachael, 34

"Punctured head with doll on Christmas." - Lia, 28

"Wound healed with gauze fused inside." - Allie, 28

“Concussion from hitting forehead with barbell.” - Sarah, 30

“Severed tendons cutting umbrella tag off.” - Keri, 47

“Drunk sledding during a blizzard.” - Michael, 35

X-ray of Michael's foot after he "Rented a scooter with zero experience."

"Rented a scooter with zero experience." - Michael, 34 (See photo above.)

“Fell in the same hole twice.” - Jaime, 33

"Loud headphones, got mugged, broke arm." - Peter, 23

"Severed fingertip while printing school assignment." - Meredith, 26

“Tore finger cartilage while grabbing TP.” - Betty, 39

“Chipped my tooth juggling billiard balls.” - Oscar, 35

“Glass on bedroom floor, bloody footprints.” - Liz, 29

“Made iced tea naked; jar exploded.” - Ellie, 34

“Crashed bike into a parked car.” - Cole, 31

“Cut my nose on toilet seat.” - Jo Anna, 33

“Bruised shoulder drunk-vaulting parking meters.” - Roman, 44

“Turning over in my own bed.” - Whitney, 36

“Dislocated my shoulder chasing a dog.” - Erin, 34

“Cut hand washing pair of scissors.” - Beth, 33

“Black eye from dancing too hard.” - Kylie, 34

“Fell asleep outside. Second degree burns.” - Ellie, 34

“Slipped on ice imitating a penguin.” - Joel, 39


“Cut my eyebrow while mud wrestling.” - Jen, 32

“Choked on hard candy at opera.” - Pete, 35

“Bruised foot at Steve Aoki concert.” - Alana, 23

“Poked my throat playing a violin.” - Olivia, 34

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