There is seemingly no limit to the number of indignities that we—the global ‘we’—have inflicted upon avocados. We have scraped their very souls out so that we could use their skins to hold our latte art. We have created crudely painted effigies and tried to Kickstart them into becoming communication devices. And we have found them cowering in the corner of a delivery box, instead of taking part in our $22 avocado toast orders.
But on Wednesday night, an Australian dancer and reality TV participant put two avocados through something so upsetting that we’re dropping the ‘we’ narrative and putting this one right on him. Ivan Krslovic, you know what you did—but why?!
On the most recent episode of The Bachelorette Australia, title bachelorette Ali Oetjen had a double-date with Krslovic and plumber-slash-Islamophobe Bill Goldsmith. The Sydney Morning-Herald suggested that Krslovic was doomed from the get-go, because he’s admittedly angling for a place on an American dance tour and Oetjen doesn’t seem to give a shit about his choice of career. That didn’t stop him from trying to impress her by making an avocado and cacao mousse—and that’s where things went so very, very wrong.
Krslovic picked up two completely innocent avocados and dropped both of them into a blender, unpeeled, unsliced, and unpitted. He then turned the blender on and stared directly into that haltingly whirring abyss, completely oblivious to what he’d done. Australians who watched the episode expressed both shock and horror.
In the hours immediately after this grim incident, Now to Love found Krslovic and asked him if, uh, he’d ever seen a real-life avocado before. “I've seen it on my toast and you know, in a breakfast meal, but I'd never physically cut one up myself," he said. "But I have now, though, I have.” (BUT WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED, YOU MONSTER?)
Perhaps unsurprisingly, Oetjen opted to send Krslovic home. “I'm feeling like someone's ripped my heart out of my chest and just stomped all over it," he said. "I think Ali's made a massive mistake."
No, Ivan. That was all you.