James Callahan

Photo: Nicholas Chatfield-Taylor

Vice: Know any good fart jokes? James Callahan: All fart jokes are funny. If someone didn’t laugh at a fart joke, I’d have some serious questions about their dedication to the values and beliefs that make up this great nation. They would have to have a funny bone made of horse crap. OK. Let me be more specific. Tell us a fart joke. What does a puppy sound like in a microwave? I don’t know, I have deafeningly loud farts every time I get horny. See, now that’s a perfect example. If you didn’t laugh at that, then you have a funny bone made of horse crap. Anyhoo. Describe the world in which your characters live. Does Richmond compare well? I think they live in my brain or, as I like to call it, my head guts. I have a theory that if you crack open my skull with the claw end of a hammer, it would be like that scene in the documentary Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. You know, the part at the end where the brick wall collapses to expose Toon Town and all the cartoons pop out and sing along together. I suppose this world is probably similar to Richmond, except with more sound effects and wacky chase music. I too have often thought about crushing your head. I get that a lot. Why is Richmond your home? It’s cheap, plus all my stuff is here, so it only seems logical that I stay in the area. There are also no earthquakes in Virginia, which I consider a plus. So, do you think all people in Richmond are assholes? I don’t know. I sent a team out on a fact-finding mission to verify that everyone in Richmond does indeed actually have an asshole. The data is still out. Well, for certain Richmond is letting them in. Anyway, if you were God, what would you do to the world? I’d probably watch it on TV and make a bunch of smart-ass comments about how everything is pretty lame and sucky, but then I wouldn’t really do anything about it. I imagine I’d be better at skating, and I would probably hang out with more celebrities, like Gilbert Gottfried and Batman. Ever been arrested? Pray tell. Ixnay on the criminal ecordray. I’m testifying against the obmay. Sike, I live in the town of American Superstud, which is out of the jurisdiction of mortal law. How’s the sex life? You tell me. Am I a generous lover? Yeah, right, like I would fuck a comic-book geek. I imagine your sex life is fully documented on your criminal ecordray. Where might one find Barf on a Saturday night? I’m under house arrest for the next 37 years. Thanks for bringing that up. I suppose if I wasn’t, I’d be in Mexico, or facedown in something, or perhaps facedown in Mexico. Jim, you know damn well the Mexican government won’t let you in. And I know you are not allowed into Canada. Did we ever say sorry for leaving you in Buffalo? No, you didn’t. Sorry. Where did your style originate? How has it changed in the last few years? I guess I just drew a lot, then I got better at drawing, so I drew some more. Then I watched such cinematic milestones as City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold and Quigley Down Under and tried to replicate their social relevance. Interesting. I wish to delve deeper into the relevance of City Slickers. Exactly what is the Legend of Curly’s Gold and what did it mean to you? I think at its core, CS2: TLOCG is a metaphor for the fragility of man. To this day, I can’t think of Billy Crystal without contemplating my own fleeting existence. Where is here, and how did you get here? Do you have to actively promote your work? Does tap dancing for change at the bus station count as working or promoting work? Where is here? How did I get here? Why am I wet? Stop being such a fucker. This interview is suppose to be 2,000 words. It’s hard enough trying to make you seem interesting. True. Help a brother out. What’s your favorite creature you’ve created? I don’t know, Donkula, or maybe Ghost Turd. Prom Shark is also pretty widely acclaimed and considered spankingly badass by the literary elite. I can’t decide. Maybe Frabraham Lincolnstein, he’s pretty cool. Have you ever eaten cigarettes? And why? Yes, to get the taste of your mother out of my mouth. No offense. None taken. How is Nowhere Skateboards? It’s the best thing that has barely happened to me. It’s all pretty much an excuse to cook out, build spots, film tricks, plan trips, shred out, and chill hard. There’s a whole rack of ramps in Richmond right now, and more in the works, which means tons of places to skate. Plus, I just sent new decks off to be pressed, and they await public annoyance. What else do you have in the works? Barf Comics Issue 2, the first in a long line of Nowhere Skateboards home movies, a six-issue comic called Die Pumpkin, Die, the Strange Detective Tales cartoon, Stink Eyes is recording next month, and I’m in the development stages of an all-monkey soap opera called Spin Kick: A Lover’s Confession. No doubt you will have the leading role since you are the offspring of that guy who fucked the first AIDS monkey. I might not have been the first. It’s a gripping tale, and let’s not forget to mention the grip your tail has. Do you feel closer to your characters since you’re a mutant yourself? Hell yeah, I’m prehensile as shit. That’s what’s up. I’ve heard your characters are being animated for some TV shit. What’s that all about? A series of short cartoons has been produced featuring the characters from Strange Detective Tales. Right now they can be viewed at HungrymanTV.com. IMAGES COURTESY OF JAMES CALLAHAN