It doesn't matter how you brew your coffee. Whether you're carefully pouring espresso, impatiently waiting for your Aeropress, or just jamming a K-Cup into the break room Keurig, there's one constant: the color. Coffee is, well, coffee colored—a range of rich, familiar brown shades that leave that signature brown ring on your desk and matching stains on your teeth. But two Slovakian brothers have decided that we shouldn't have to wear the signs of our caffeine addiction on our incisors, and have developed a totally clear coffee instead.
David and Adam Nagy have released CLR CFF into the world, solving a problem that most of us will gladly pretend that we don't have. They seem to be pushing their CLR CFF—which is sold in a clear bottle, natch—as less of an alternative to coffee and more an alternative to Crest Whitestrips. (The #whitesmile and #whiteteeth hashtags are popular on CLR CFF's Instagram account.)
So how do they do it and, more importantly, how does it taste? They aren't saying and not great, respectively. "The exact production process is a secret," Nagy said. "We use only freshly roasted high quality Arabica beans which gives our product a very specific taste profile."
The CLR CFF website isn't any less cryptic. "It is produced by methods which have never been used before," it says. Although the Nagys aren't going to spill what those methods are, the nutrition info says they yield a beverage that has 4 calories per 200ml and doesn't contain any preservatives, sweeteners, or sugars.
According to an abandoned Indiegogo campaign for the coffee, they say that coffee and water are the only two ingredients, but an additional amount of caffeine is added after the brewing process. The campaign raised €466 ($494) of its €35,000 ($37,178) goal.
As for the taste, some staffers at the Metro tried it and the consensus was that it was drinkable. "Imagine making a caffeine of coffee and then forgetting to wash it out," one not-quite rave review said. "The next day, you add cold water to get the very last dregs of flavor out of the wet beans—and that's what this tastes like. Water, but an aftertaste of coffee."
Clear coffee has not previously been available, although Caribou Coffee tried it. As an April Fool's Day joke. Three years ago, the company announced that it was releasing Caribou Clear Coffee to prevent coffee stains on "white dress shirts and teeth." The joke—which was reported as Real News by a number of gullible outlets—came complete with a CaribouClearCoffee.com website and comments from the Caribou CEO and the company's master roaster. "When I tried it for the first time, I couldn't believe it," Brian Aliffi said. "The flavor notes were all there—citrus, floral, and just a hint of nutmeg. I almost cried."
Right now, the 100% not-a-joke CLR CFF is only available to residents of the United Kingdom. Shoppers in London can pick it up at a handful of retailers including Selfridges and Whole Foods or through the website (UK delivery only) where it retails for £5.99 ($7.50) for a two-pack or £14.99 ($18.78) for five bottles.