Prince Fielder Is Hitting (And Bellyflopping) Like Prince Fielder Again

Once, back before children, mortgages, and other assorted clichés that wrinkle the skin and pull hair from the head by the clump, a friend of mine (um) ate something he shouldn't have, and spent an evening in his living room crouched into a ball on the sofa. This was because, he later told me, there were sharks swimming underneath the carpet. As the floor undulated, he would occasionally see dark shiny bodies push the surface of the water or fins cruise past the coffee table and he was terrified each time. Carpet sharks are a problem on a number of levels, but the sudden terror they elicit each time they let themselves be seen can, I am led to understand, make a person twitch involuntarily. I bring this up because, having considered the possibilities for longer than I care to admit, carpet sharks appear to be the only plausible explanation for Prince Fielder's base running.

If you were on the internet Tuesday or Wednesday you probably saw pornography. If you hung around after that, though, you may have also seen Fielder attempt to round third base with the intent of scoring on a Mitch Moreland single. A laudable idea, but one that fell apart the moment Fielder got to third, whereupon he tripped, stumbled, and fell on his face. The crowd cheered and his Ranger teammates laughed.

Why did we all laugh? We all laughed because we are assholes, mostly, and because Fielder fell down and went boom, and because watching a grown man fall is funny. We laughed because Fielder fell and watching a professional athlete fall down is funny. But mostly we laughed because Fielder fell and Fielder is exceptionally soft-bodied and watching a person that size fall down is hilarious.

Bad base running is nothing new for Fielder. According to Baseball Prospectus's Base Running Runs, Fielder has cost his various teams 48.4 runs with his atrocious base running during in his career. That's about five wins of value, or roughly the overall value Fielder has produced during his best seasons. Teams put up with it because of his hitting. But five wins is a lot of lost value. At least it comes with a side of unintentional comedy. That reminds me of the time Fielder chased a foul pop-up (badly) (very badly) down the first base line and, after missing the ball, helped himself to a fan's nachos. It doesn't have anything to do with bad base running, but it was funny in the "That's So Prince" way that defines Fielder's premier goofinesses.

Tripping over third on Tuesday was a good one, but it's not Fielder's finest work. You may recall Game Six of the 2013 American League Championship Series when Fielder was standing on third while then-teammate Victor Martinez was on first with no outs. Jhonny Peralta hit a grounder to second base. What Fielder needed to do was break for home immediately upon seeing the ball hit on the ground. If he didn't score he'd at least avoid the double play. Instead he ranged off third and stood there while Dustin Pedroia fielded the ball, tagged Martinez running by, and threw home putting Fielder in a rundown.

That's bad enough but it's what Fielder did after that that is burned into the cerebral cortexes of Tigers fans for eternity. Fielder kind of hung out between third and home while the catcher, Jarrod Saltalamacchia, charged up the baseline with the ball. Then, when Saltalamacchia had gotten close, Fielder turned and belly flopped into the dirt a good two to three feet away from the safety of third base. It was the kind of base running play you might expect had the Tigers, prior to Peralta's at-bat, pinch-run for Fielder with a harp seal.

Tempting as it is to get lost in Fielder's antics, it's worth noting that Fielder is having a comeback season for the ages. After playing ineffectively last season for 42 games before requiring season-ending neck surgery (this is as opposed to neck surgery as an out-patient procedure) Fielder is hitting .341/.404/.512. He leads baseball with 86 hits! He has four triples!

Okay, I made up the triples thing, but even so, wow. Perhaps the oddest part of all of this is that, this time last season, Fielder was out with neck surgery and had six seasons to go on a $214 million contract. The Rangers had not only acquired this millstone of a player, but they had traded away franchise cornerstone Ian Kinsler, who, through 50 games, was hitting .316/.345/.460, to get him. A year later, Kinsler has a .699 OPS and Fielder is hitting like peak career Prince Fielder, which is to say like one of the best hitters in the game.

So what if he belly flops coming around third now and again? Everyone needs to laugh now and again. It's healthy. It's good for the complexion. It also goes down a lot easier when the occasional towering homer is mixed in. As long as Fielder keeps hitting like this, any team would be willing to put up with the occasional carpet-shark attack.