Consider this an homage to pre-drinking in the mid 2000s. They were some times, weren't they? Awkwardly standing round the island bench in your friend's parents' kitchen with some poisonous drink in hand, fighting for the aux cord which was then known as the iPod. Arguing about when to leave for the city, vomiting off the back porch while your friends heckled you, ultimately passing out, mouth open, in your mate's bed and never making it anywhere. Beautiful.
For some reason, whenever you reminisce about the noughties these days you've always got someone shoving The Strokes or Destiny's Child down your throat. I get it. I was there. I bought a waist coat because of Kings of Leon. But what about the unsung heroes of getting loose as all fuck in the 2000s? What about all those sleazy EDM singles that just don't make it onto playlists anymore – banished to the world of spin classes for all eternity. Maybe I'm just not hanging out with the right people.So what happened? Were they left behind because they objectified women in a manner and volume never before seen in the history of Earth? Almost definitely. Anyway! Let's take a look at some of the songs you listened to smashed off your nut on Jagerbombs circa 2005."I Want You" – Paris AvenueThis is a good place to start. Indicative of what we're going to see here today. This catchy little number tells the story of some slimey fedora, accosting a poor woman in a club somewhere, and trying and force her into some kind of relationship despite her obvious repulsion :)."I Like The Way" – BodyrockersHumankind's most discerning thinkers will one day pore over the mid-naughties, hoping to decipher why everyone's body was suddenly in danger of being "rocked". I was there and even I don't understand it. Was my body being rocked? Was I rocking anyone's body? Is this why we're all so fucked up? The answer is yes.
**"Pictures *(Tonite Only Remix)"* – Sneaky Sound System (2007)**The venn diagram of times I drank Malibu and pineapple juice and times I listened to this song is a circle."The Others" – TV Rock vs Dukes of WindsorThis should be the song they play to teenagers when they're thinking about trying drugs. Oh wait, it was."Destination Calabria" – Alex Gaudino feat. Christal WatersI remember seeing this video for the first time and thinking it was really cool. The patriarchy wins again."Satisfaction" – Benny BenassiIt doesn't matter how many hot, tanned, bikini-clad girls you throw in my face, Benny, they'll never replace the image forever etched in my memory of a solitary, sentient tongue wandering around a house party searching for a beer."Put Your Hands Up 4 Detroit" – Fedde Le GrandIf I'm being honest, I don't totally hate this video."Your Body" – Tom NovyIf Kylie Minogue and John Travolta slept together (which they almost certainly have, gross) this video would be the spawn."Push Up" – FreestylersI believe this is a legitimately good song and no one can convince me otherwise."All This Love" – The SimilouWhile "researching" this "article" I learned that there's a whole scene of people still getting off on the joke that "rainbow stylin'" sounds like "rainbow Stalin". It looks like it started with this video, which is just, I don't even know. And last year it inspired an entire anime rework which apparently won awards. Does the sudden awareness of things you don't know about ever feel like it's crushing you?
NB: I'm well aware this isn't really a sleazy dance track. But I don't know what it is. I don't know where it goes."Drop The Pressure" – MyloI know I'm not blowing the dust off any old fossils here. This is an obvious classic. Best part? "Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-" x 1 billion. Amazing.**"Flaunt it" – TV Rock *feat. Seany B***It's not often you find a video clip on YouTube where the majority of comments are saying "this is the worst video I've ever seen and the worst song I've ever heard". I don't know, I'm certainly not going to say that this video is any worse than any of the others in this list. I mean, sure, it looks like it was filmed on a Tamagotchi but at least Seany B has the decency to objectify himself as much as he's objectifying us.In other news, would love to hear from anyone who creamed from listening to this song."My, My, My" – Armand Van Helden
"Both sexy and hilarious" is Armand Van Helden's official description of this video, which is an apt description for this era of music all round I think.And, an honourable mention goes to:"Voodoo Child" – Rogue TradersLook, I don't recall playing this at any pre-drinks but I stumbled across it in my travels and if I have to listen to it, so do you.Follow Issy on Twitter.