The butt can be a smuggler's best friend. It's been used to sneak hundreds of thousands of dollars-worth of gold out of a mint, and slip a cell phone into a prison cell. It can even serve as a makeshift time capsule, if the need arises. But the butt, like all things, has its limitations. The rectum is probably not the best spot to store a mass amount of cocaine—for something like that, you'll need a fake ass, apparently.
A smuggler recently tried to slip a kilo of cocaine on a flight from Brazil to Portugal by wearing a fake butt full of blow, IBTimes reports. Unfortunately, his plan to pad his posterior with powder like a drug-smuggling Hank Hill didn't go so well.
Police spotted the 32-year-old man as he waddled suspiciously around Lisbon's airport and stopped him for questioning, according to a police report. When they got a closer look at his tuckus, they realized that he was packing more than just a big booty. He allegedly stashed the coke in two flesh-colored cheeks that he'd rigged inside a tiny, colorful swimsuit—a bold fashion choice that might've raised a red flag on its own.
The cops also arrested a 40-year-old man, who they suspect was waiting to pick up the phony glutes at a nearby train station. Both men are now facing charges of drug trafficking for the coke, a shipment large enough for about 5,000 individual hits, police said. It's unclear whether the second man was planning to slip into the coke booty shorts, too.
The butt-rig is just the latest unsuccessful invention traffickers have tried to use to smuggle drugs. Cops have found smack in limes, pineapples, and even novelty dick candles—not to mention those modern-day da Vincis who have built weed bazookas and drug catapults to launch dope over the US-Mexico border.
All in all, you got to give the butt smuggler some credit. He may not have succeeded in his mission, but a kilo of coke is far from the worst thing people have used to boost out their behinds.
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Related: El Naya: Colombia's Hidden Cocaine Smuggling Route