Image via Wikimedia Commons
On Sunday, fitness guru Richard Simmons called in to Entertainment Tonight to dispel rumors that he is being held captive by his housekeeper. "No one should be worried about me. The people that surround me are wonderful people who take great care of me," Simmons said in a phone call, with no way to verify that his housekeeper wasn't standing right next to him feeding him lines.Taking advantage of celebrities seems like it could be a lucrative career move: According to ABC news, Simmons' house is worth $10 million. The question is, which star? If you're considering climbing the ladder in the burgeoning celebrity home hostage industry, we've determined which celebrity would best fit your lifestyle, based on your Myers-Briggs personality type.The ISTP wants to understand how things really work. They want to see past the surface of things to really come to grips with the nature of reality. You should kidnap Bill Nye the Science Guy.ISTJ's are responsible and dependable. They care about tradition, family, and organization. An ISTJ can do anything if they put their mind to it. You should kidnap a Jonas brother. Any Jonas brother will share those values and that same can-do spirit.Holding a celebrity hostage for personal gain is going to be tough for an ISFJ, because they're very empathetic. But some celebs need your TLC. You should kidnap John Goodman and tell him that he is good enough to talk to Kristen Wiig.ISFP's hate confrontation, so the initial brainwashing period may be quite stressful for you. They're also usually more interested in being a follower than a leader. Consider getting kidnapped/subsumed into the Kardashian-Jenner brood. Everyone else has.INFJ's are known for their strict personal sense of right and wrong. They want to do what's right, no matter how hard it is. You should kidnap George Takei and his husband, then help continue their fight for equality.The INFP is loyal and adaptable. They prefer to chill, but are quick-witted when challenged. You should kidnap the famously chill Judd Apatow, who is so loyal he casts the same five people in every movie.INTJ's play the long game. They love structure, knowledge, and when a plan comes together. You should kidnap Elliott Gould and reenact Ocean's 11 on a daily basis.INTP's think outside the box. They love new ideas, and dwelling in the realm of the intellect. You should kidnap Jaden Smith and come to some tweetable conclusions re: existence.ESTP's are movers and shakers who prefer a fast-paced lifestyle. You need a celeb who can keep up with you. You should kidnap Jillian Michaels.ESTJ's like to take the lead. They want a peaceful sporty life, with lots of traditional values and little backchat. You should kidnap Brigitte Bardot. Just don't talk about fur.The ESFP lives in the now. When the working day is done, an ESFP just wants to have fun. You should kidnap Cyndi Lauper.The ESFJ needs a lil pep talk every now and then. They live off the positive reinforcement of others. You should kidnap Morgan Freeman, who's been emotionally propping up white people in movies for decades.The ENFP likes new ideas, but doesn't want to get hung up on the details. You should kidnap Ed Asner. You can talk about 9/11 conspiracies, and that time he pulled a knife on the documentary crew filming him.The ENFJ is a people person and hates being alone. Having someone—anyone—captive suits your temperament. Might I suggest Sally Field? She likes it when people like her, really like her. Also, she once faked being institutionalized to get out of a relationship with Johnny Carson, so we know she's bad at saying no to people.ENTJ's have no room for disorganization in their lives. They love to solve problems and get things in working order. You should kidnap Al Gore and help him reinvigorate the green movement.ENTP's can get very competitive. They like to be around people as quick-witted as they are. You should kidnap the entire cast of Whose Line Is It Anyway. In your twisted game, the points will definitely matter.
Advertisement
ISTP: The Mechanic
ISTJ: The Duty Fulfiller
ISFJ:The Nurturer
ISFP: The Artist
INFJ: The Protector
INFP:The Idealist
INTJ: The Scientist
INTP: The Thinker
ESTP: The Doer
Advertisement