“Unless you have a bachelor party coming up, or your favorite squadron just won a sporting competition, you probably have no immediate cause to shotgun a beer,” VinePair wrote in its guide to the “art and idiocy” of essentially waterboarding yourself with a can of shitty beer. If it chooses to update that post, it might want to add, “Or someone has offered you the chance to drink through a dead fish’s open mouth,” because that seemed to be enough of an excuse for one woman.
A Wisconsin native named Aimee Lynn has gone viral-ish, after she posted a 15-second clip of herself kneeling on a boat, chugging booze out of what we can only hope was a freshly caught fish. The actual shotgunning only lasted about five seconds, but that seemed to be enough: “Ugh, that was awful,” she said, after high-fiving someone who had chosen not to make out with a dead salmon.
“You know if you look at the video, [the fish-holder] picked it up really high,” she told CBS58. “The fish's throat got caught in my throat so it was like I was choking it down. I was trying to breathe and not laugh at the same time so it was kind of awful to take in all the beer I guess.”
She has responded to a handful of Facebook comments, explaining her decision by writing, “If you’re not first, you’re last.” Oh dear. We hope that’s not the only reason, because this is already A Thing among people who enjoy catching fish, holding fish, and casually using fish carcasses as drinkware.
In 2011, a dude identified only as “Ted Haggard” posted a video he called “Salmon Bong,” which was 46 uncomfortable seconds of him sucking beer out of a section of the fish that we’re comfortable describing as “genitally adjacent.” This is Ted Haggard’s only contribution to YouTube.
Two years later, a man named Derek was dared to drink his can of booze directly from the gills of a striper he’d just caught. Because INTERNET, Derek did it.
And during the second round of this year’s Stanley Cup playoffs, Tennessee Titans offensive lineman Taylor Lewan pregamed in Nashville by shotgunning a Bud Light tallboy out of a dead catfish. (Nashville Predators fans have a tendency to sneak catfish into the arena, just so they can throw them on the ice. SPORTS!)
In her only interview so far, Aimee Lynn told the news station that she “hopes to see more women do it in the future.”
THE FUTURE IS FEMALE, AIMEE.