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Someone Needed To Invent a Safe Avo Because Idiots Kept Hurting Themselves

Ask yourself, is the problem really with the avo?
December 12, 2017, 1:04am
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Before we begin, I just want to say congratulations. If you are currently a living human being reading this, it means that you are a survivor. A survivor of one of nature’s trickiest fruits: the avocado. Honestly the worst avo-related thing that ever happened to me when a dude put feta in the guacamole at a party. But I’m one of the lucky ones. Several consumers in the UK haven’t been so fortunate.

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The country has seen such an increase in people hurting themselves while trying to cut avocados, with the British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons even flagging it as a problem. The issue was so bad, that the Guardian reported that there was discussion of putting warning labels on them.

Just to pause for a moment, this is how one person in question describes the events leading up to their avo-injury: “I tried to de-stone an avocado by holding it in one hand and stabbing it with a knife in the other. The knife was blunt and didn’t go in first time so I did it again.” I’m sorry, but I don’t think the issue is with nature on that one.

Either way, it was deemed a big enough concern for British institution Marks And Spencer to pay someone to develop a new, scientifically engineered, safer avo. Called a cocktail avo, it does away with the traditional teardrop shape in favour of a straighter design that looks more like a cucumber.

It has a thin, edible skin and no pit. Meaning technically I guess you don’t need a knife at all. You could spoon this baby open. Charlotte Curtis, a food technology specialist at M&S is clearly stoked. Speaking to the Guardian — top notch fruit reporting over there — she called it the “holy grail of avocados”.

The fruits are sadly only available in the British stores, so the rest of us will have to remain languishing in this current hell.

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