The Code of Laws for the state of South Carolina says that a person has committed third-degree assault and battery if they have attempted to injure someone and have the “present ability to do so.” And, in the near future, one of the state’s judges is going to have to determine whether trying to shove a piece of bacon into your manager’s mouth meets those legal standards.
Last Friday, a McDonald’s worker in Bluffton, South Carolina helped herself to a piece or two of bacon while she worked in the kitchen. Because that’s gross, her manager told her to knock it off—at least while she was supervising. The as-yet-unidentified worker heard those words, presumably acknowledged that she heard them, and then helped herself to another piece of breakfast meat.
The manager then told the woman’s boss, and this level-headed employee responded to that bit of McSnitching by backing the manager into a corner and “[trying] to shove hot crispy bacon in her face,” the Island Packet reports. The manager tried to fight her off, but the other woman slapped her in the face WHILE STILL HOLDING THE BACON. (If she’d just eaten it, the woman would’ve been effectively disarmed.) The kitchen worker then threw “a cup of an unknown substance” at the manager before a third McDonald’s employee stepped between the two of them.
The cops were called, and it seems like the meateater made an escape before they arrived. A judge has since issued a warrant for her arrest, and she is facing a charge of—yep—third-degree assault and battery.
Last October, a Goldsboro, North Carolina man reported that his girlfriend hit him in the face with a package of bacon during an argument, and we’re honestly not sure whether it’s better or worse to be struck with a single, greasy piece or a whole, plastic-wrapped pack. (And WRAL specified that this was “upside [her] boyfriend’s head” in its coverage of the incident). Bradley Ray Risinger declined to press assault charges against Stephanie Michelle Harell, but knowing that your names are forever connected to the words “bacon assault” is its own kind of punishment.
We hope that South Carolina judge shows leniency when he’s sentencing that McDonald’s worker. At least she used crispy bacon, your honor!