This story is over 5 years old.


The Ten Hottest Homophobes on the Internet (by a Boy)

All homophobes are gay, it's an actual scientific fact.
February 8, 2012, 7:35pm

All homophobes are gay. That's not something I'm saying to be edgy, it's an actual scientific fact. There was a scientific study into it and everything. You can read the whole thing here, but all you really need to know is this part:

"Participants consisted of a group of homophobic men and a group of nonhomophobic men… The men were exposed to sexually explicit erotic stimuli consisting of heterosexual, male homosexual, and lesbian videotapes, and changes in penile circumference were monitored…


…Both groups exhibited increases in penile circumference to the heterosexual and female homosexual videos. Only the homophobic men showed an increase in penile erection to male homosexual stimuli…

…Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies."

Anyways, with Prop 8 out the door, it seems likely that gay marriage is going to get WAY more legal across the US, so hopefully some of these homophobes I found on Facebook will have the courage to come out soon—not because I think that they're for-definite gay, but because I think they're beautiful and precious.

If any of you guys are reading this, here's why I'd love it if you would holla at me:


Oh Emmanuel, the only 200 pounds of pressure I want you dropping on my jaw is of this kind.


And the gays will be happy to have you, Paul! But the highlights are gonna have to go, soz. We don't play that.


The only thing I want you burning is logs for the open log fire in front of which we're going to "make love."


Oh, C-los (can I call you "C-los"? I only ask because I'm not 100 percent sure that this is even a name) I wouldn't mind seeing you "turn from your ways" – so that your ass is facing me and I can bury my face way up in there.


Know what else is against nature, Charles? Clothes. Lose 'em.


Hey David, let's say when you're done there, you come over to my place and work on my house? (For the sake of that last sentence "house" refers to my penis, and "work" refers to David, sucking it with his mouth.)


Jelani, I wouldn't mind being one of the to (sic) many people who'll back you up. #Imtalkingaboutanalsex


I'm not 100 percent sure what you're talking about here, Ron, but boy would I love to fuck that facepaint right off of your head.


You should nickname your butthole "Saddam and Gomorrah," cus you'll be screaming, "Oh God!" when I DESTROY it. (PS - Your last name is "Dyke" - hahahahahaha.)


Oh Clay, let's just say I wish that I was that goat, and you weren't wearing those jeans. If you can wrap your head around that innuendo.

Follow Jamie on Twitter @JLCT

Read more gay stuff:

Who Gives Better Head, Gays or Girls?

Gay Culture Is Dead

Lighten Up!