Lead illustration by Esme Blegvad
Here is an odd fact about me: the last three people I've dated were all born on the same day in 1991. What can I say? I have a thing for Sagittariuses. It's not a deal-breaker – I fancied a Gemini once, briefly – it's just worked out that way. What is a deal-breaker is if the person I'm dating thinks astrology is a pile of shit. Not being into planets is fine, but at least take an interest and let me speak about the direction of my north node.
If you're a hardcore Mormon, or deep into Scientology, you probably wouldn't date someone who isn't, because your core beliefs would be mismatched. You might think sex before marriage is a sin, or that, like, Xenu, the leader of a Galactic Confederacy, brought alien spirits to Earth 75 billion years ago. These are difficult things to get past if you're not on the same page. But astrology is different. It's not a religion, and while some people take it very seriously, others consider it a fun hobby (if you're into collecting mosaics, you're not going to only date other mosaic collectors, are you?).With all that in mind, I decided to speak to a bunch of fellow astrology heads about what their "rules" are when it comes to dating. Is it a deal-breaker if they don't believe? Do they have to at least take a polite interest? Ask questions? Or does it not matter if you tell them to beware of Venus retrograde and they assume you're speaking about an evil drag queen?
It's not a complete deal-breaker for me if the person I'm dating isn't into astrology in the same, intense way I am. It's more important to me that they're open minded, and not closed off when it comes to the infinite possibilities of an unknown universe. Maybe astrology isn't to their taste, but they're open to the idea of life on other planets, or accept how we don't know whether a spiritual realm exists or not.The worst thing would be to date someone who's a hardcore rigid atheist – a stubborn, Ricky Gervais type of person, who takes the piss out of anyone who thinks otherwise – because those sorts of people wear their cynicism like it's an actual personality, and that would really put me off.
In typical Libra fashion, I'm not too fussed one way or another if the person I'm dating isn't into astrology. All I ask from them is that they nod knowingly when I bitchily dismiss someone for being "way too Gemini", or to stoically put up with me excusing my lateness as typical Mercury retrograde behaviour. Sometimes it's useful to have an astrological shorthand for bad behaviour to avoid confronting the objective truth of the fact that I was scrolling through Instagram and lost track of time – although this, again, is a very Libra thing to do!The deal-breaker for me is if they tried to mount a scientific argument against astrology, which is just tiresome and rude. Astrology for me isn't a science, it's a pastime. It's not like I use scientific principles to explain away fantasy football leagues.
I would just want someone I had compatible chemistry with. I'd prefer it if they were naughty and fiery rather than sturdy and earthy. And if they weren't into star signs, they would have to be exciting enough for it to excuse them for being boring when it comes to cosmos. So… it wouldn't be a deal-breaker, per se, but I would be distrusting and probably read more into their birth chart because of it. I would also think that they were predictable, maybe unimaginative. So I would slightly judge them on that, which I suppose could end up being a deal-breaker.
I don't think it would be a deal-breaker if I really fancied the person and they weren't into astrology – provided we had other things to talk about. But even if they didn't believe in astrology they'd need to at least indulge in the fun silliness of it, or not mind me chatting about it and being like "ugh mercury is in retrograde!" They couldn't be arsey about it, or say "astrology is bullshit!" That would be boring and wear thin very quickly.Also, I find it so much fun to speak about, especially on first or second dates. Even if the other person isn't that into it, it's a conversation starter, and it helps you understand a bit more about them. What I'm trying to say is: it wouldn't be a deal-breaker if they allowed me to harp on about it. And also if it didn't signify that we were massively into different things. Because things would fizzle out quickly if that were the case… especially if they're a fucking Scorpio!
I think everyone I've dated more or less "wasn't into" astrology, but I've only dated straight guys – as far as I know – who are notoriously un-fun about astrology. One guy in particular didn't partake in it at all, but also said he didn't like me sending him astrology memes because they highlighted the parts of himself he dislikes the most. He was an Aquarius, which speaks for itself.As someone who loves astrology, it would be nice if the person I was dating could at least see the superficial joy of an astrology meme. But so many straight boys are too preoccupied with "logic" for that, so I've just accepted that it's not likely I'll date someone who is as enthusiastic about astrology as I am. It gets a little disheartening when someone you care about looks down their nose at you for a pretty harmless interest – it's not like I'm a flat-earther. The only people in my life who are enthusiastic about astrology are my women friends.
My ex wasn't into astrology, and towards the end of our relationship it started really getting on my nerves. It wasn't that he didn't believe in it – a lot of people don't; that I can accept. It was more that he looked down on people who did. If I mentioned somebody's star sign he'd roll his eyes or be like, "Riiiight," which I thought was a shitty attitude to have. We broke up for reasons relating to more than his lack of astrology enthusiasm, but it's definitely affected my view point on this subject. I would date somebody who wasn't into astrology again, but they'd need to be respectful and appreciate the fun it gives me, instead of making me feel stupid for being into this very fun, ancient way of trying to understand the cosmos.
If I'm dating someone who isn't into astrology, they have to at least be respectful, like, "She likes it, so I'm not going to try and change her mind" – do you know what I mean? In the past I've met people who are like, "Ugh, no, she's into astrology." For example there are certain star signs I don't fuck with, and I would maybe make some decisions based around that. If I find out someone's a Taurus I avoid them, or I don't seem to gel with Leos. It's not that I wouldn't be friends with them, but I'd have reservations. And maybe the person I'm dating might find that a bit difficult or stupid if they weren't into astrology themselves. Luckily I live in a bubble, and all the people I know are queer astrology babes, so this isn't a problem I encounter very often.@daisythejones / @esmerelduh