Kanye West’s McDonald’s Poem for Frank Ocean’s Zine Is… Interesting

Yeezy has some intense thoughts about where French fries fall in the McDonald's menu hierarchy, and he's sharing them in 'Boys Don't Cry.'
Hilary Pollack
Los Angeles, US
August 22, 2016, 7:30pm
Foto via Flickr-brugeren super45

If you're on the verge of being institutionalized because the media onslaught of thinkpieces about Frank Ocean's new albums has pushed you to the brink of a nervous breakdown, close your eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. Here's some food for thought that isn't about Blond, but about Kanye West's contribution to the past week's Ocean hysteria.

When Blond(e) (spellings seem to vary, due to a difference between the official spelling on Apple Music versus the cover art) was finally, finally, finally, seriously released on Saturday, Ocean simultaneously released a visual album called Endless and an art magazine called Boys Don't Cry, which was handed out at pop-up shops in Chicago, London, Los Angeles, and New York. The magazine is a catalog of Ocean's non-musical influences and expressions, spanning more than 300 pages, and includes a buffet of contributions from and musings about other artists ranging from Kanye West to the Beatles to Elliott Smith.

ON NOISEY: Frank Ocean Releases His Long-Awaited New Album, Blond

One such spread depicts Yeezy himself cruising through a McDonald's drive-thru in a Lamborghini. And being the poet that he is, Kanye also penned a presumably metaphorical poem about the McDonald's menu. It has never been about "dollar items" or "value meals," but about jealousy, artistry, and betrayal. Read it for yourself below if you don't feel like starting an installment plan to pay $38 per month for the next two years to get your hands on a hard copy of Boys Don't Cry.

McDonalds Man McDonalds Man

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The french fries had a plan

The french fries had a plan

The salad bar and the ketchup made a band

Cus the french fries had a plan

The french fries had a plan

McDonalds Man

McDonalds

I know them french fries have a plan

I know them french fries have a plan

The cheeseburger and the shakes formed a band

To overthrow the french fries plan

I always knew them french fries was evil man

Smelling all good and shit

I don't trust no food that smells that good man

I don't trust it

I just can't

McDonalds Man

McDonalds Man

McDonalds, damn

Them french fries look good tho

I knew the Diet Coke was jealous of the fries

I knew the McNuggets was jealous of the fries

Even the McRib was jealous of the fries

I could see it through his artificial meat eyes

And he only be there some of the time

Everybody was jealous of them french fries

Except for that one special guy

That smooth apple pie

Some notes: Per Kanye's writings, one might think of the French fries as the Trump voters of the McDonald's kingdom hierarchy. Individually, they're small and greasy and unimpressive, but together they have power both in numbers and in popularity.

It should also be noted that despite the callout in the fourth line, McDonald's doesn't have a salad bar, unless you count experimental locations in Hong Kong and Singapore. If we are supposed to be convinced that Kanye West eats McDonald's with any type of regularity, he should be aware of this. And why would ketchup ever side with a salad bar over their best homies, the French fries?

READ MORE: I Found Out What Yeezus Tastes Like

French fries are evil. They are the salty, addictive downfall of diets everywhere; the opiate of the drive-thru masses. (But while Diet Coke and McNuggets best watch their backs, the McRib, in all of its elusive and highly coveted glory, probably has nothing to fear.)

It's notoriously hard to tell whether Kanye is being tongue-in-cheek in many of his artistic endeavors—this poem included—but if his wife's preferences are indicative of anything, his penchant for McDonald's might be genuine. Kim Kardashian recently wrote on her website about her affinity for the chain's fries and Chicken McNuggets dipped in honey.

And for what it's worth, honey-dipped McNuggets are the bomb. Almost made you forget you were reading about Frank Ocean's new album for a second, didn't it?