Grimewatch

Kano as Scarface on the RWD cover

Slew Dem Crew

You know when Madrid put Michael Owen on the bench earlier in the season, (sorry to anyone reading this who doesn't like footy or is a girl) then he didn't throw any kind of tantrum and took it on the chin, but then mugged off all the doubters in the most dignified way possible when he came back on and scored straight away, making the Madrid manager look like a total cunt? That's what Kano's just done to this column. After we moaned about "P&Qs" not being him at his best, he kicked us into touch when he played us some of his debut album which is nothing short of being the greatest grime record EVER made to date. Kano's mish-mash of rock, reggae, electro and old skool hip hop flavours all laced into a grime format is only credible and consistent because of just how crazy-hot Kane's flow actually is. If anyone else tried to do it, it'd come out like Rebel MC masturbating over Basement Jaxx, but as is, it's going to be the most important record of 2005.

Speaking of Grimewatch getting it wrong, we gotta send a big shout out to Riko, who we heard was back inside on firearms charges. He's not, he's awaiting trial for drugs-related offences, but the pen can't hold the big man down and he just dropped a hot 16 on Sov's new joint down the jail-house payphone like he was Shyne or something. Apart from Riko on lockdown (Free Riko!) Tubby T being seriously ill (get well, Tubby) and Crazy Titch recording a tune with Keisha from Sugababes (Fuck off Sugababes, this is the second time we've told you), grime is in better shape than ever right now. And you know what? It really might kick off in 2005. Here's why:

1.

Jammer's stepped up his game. His new boys Lewi White, Bigga Man and Ears are heating up Jam's name so much apparently even N.A.S.T.Y. wanna work with him again. We also heard Jammer is taking grime to the countryside, recording loads of new material in a hired country house.

. Slew Dem Crew. These yoots are causing "Forward"-style riots with "16 Bar" (even though "Forward" was massive, Lethal Bizzle's label didn't promote the tune as much as they should have and basically Lethal has had his shit screwed up through no fault of his own. But don't watch that ‘cos he has bare riddims that are just as hot. If you don't believe us listen to Fire Camp's "No!" or anything by Fumin'. And anyway, Bizzle's new album is sounding BIG).

3.

The rest of the UK is putting itself on the map, the West Midlands especially. First proof of this is the "Sideways Riddim"—another "Forward" knock-off, but give 'em time. Only problem is they're about ten times more violent than the kids in London, but it's all (chips and) gravy.

4.

All the footballers listen to grime now. They may all be psychotic, dogging-obsessed pompous gak heads, but look what happened when they started wearing Von Dutch hats.

5.

All the new DVDs are ridiculous. Practice Hours was good, but Risky Roads is where it's at. Everybody on there forgot the camera was even on and went nuts. Footage includes Stormin' and Ghetto bitchslapping Bashy outside the UMS (that big gay Damon Dash "help the kids" project at the Royal Festival Hall that got more violent than downtown Basra), Marcus Nasty calling Bashy "Wanky" (it's about time Marcus got his own chat show) and to top it all off, Bashy then coming back saying he's gonna kick the crap out of N.A.S.T.Y.. Has this kid got a death wish? Does he not know N.A.S.T.Y. are called that for a VERY FUCKING GOOD REASON?! If road DVDs get any more upfront, they're gonna be snuff movies.

6.

Girls are making grime. And we're not talking about Shystie and Ms Dynamite, this shit is real. 17-year-old producer Miss Beats (who just murked it with D Double's new joint "Signal") is doing big things; 15-year-old Charlie pretty much has every A&R in the UK waiting to sign her; Sadie's tune might come out (but it's kinda late now) her big sis Shola Ama has dropped a few hot tracks with Terror Danjah and Katie Pearl is making big noise on Paperchase. But will they fight as much as the boys do on stage? Grimewatch is lobbying for them to mud-wrestle instead.

The bottom line is, everybody is stepping up their game and MCs are turning into artists and performers, even if they're still beefing. If you don't believe me, check how insane Kano looks on the new RWD cover dressed as Tony Montana. And he came up with that concept himself. If grime isn't the biggest thing in the world this time next month, I'll eat my promotional Run The Road hoodie.