Liverpool Fans: Naming Newborn Children After Dejan Lovren is a Horrible Idea

Here's a little home truth for you, people: naming a newborn child after your favourite footballer is not a good idea. The reality is that your kid has to live with that name for all time, that he (or she) will face incessant questioning over being called "Thierry McCullum", "Ruud van Nistel Smith", "Emile Heskey-Postlethwaite" or whatever. In that joyous moment after the safe delivery of your son or daughter, you should be thinking about the gift of life – not about paying tribute to a physically gifted multimillionaire you've never met.

Name your child after your father, your mother, or a deceased grandparent. Name it after someone who matters. Name it after your cousin Keith, for God's sake. Whatever you do, do not act on impulse and name it after a footballer who doesn't know you, doesn't care about you and isn't remotely interested in the fact that you have managed to successfully procreate.

Especially not if that footballer happens to be Dejan Lovren.

Flying in the face of all such advice, Michael the Liverpool fan called up BBC Radio 5 Live last night and confirmed that he's going to call his newborn son "Dejan". Seemingly calling straight from the hospital waiting room, voice choked with emotion, Michael waxes lyrical about Liverpool's dramatic Europa League victory over Borussia Dortmund. It's the greatest day of his life, apparently. This isn't all that surprising, considering that he starts his phone-in with the words "I am Liverpool Football Club" like some sort of terrifying football monomaniac.

Still, we understand Michael's enthusiasm. Lovren's last-minute header was a thing of beauty, a winning goal to cherish for all time. Nonetheless, naming a child "Dejan" is a truly horrible idea. If you insist on inconsiderately naming your kid after a footballer, at least choose an iconic player. Don't pick a positionally suspect centre-back who may well be moved on at the end of the season, just because he happened to score a decisive goal in the Europa League quarter-finals.

'I'm going to call my newborn Dejan!'#LFC fan calls in from the hospital waiting room pic.twitter.com/Ln1K4vAhZ5
— BBC 5 live Sport (@5liveSport) April 14, 2016

Let's face it, Dejan Lovren is never going to become a Liverpool legend. He is a supremely average centre-back in the mould of Djimi Traoré, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Jose Enrique even. If people follow Michael's lead, there'll be hundreds of kids running around Merseyside called things like "Djimi Atherton" and "Sotirios Barnes". School registers from Toxteth to Runcorn will descend into complete pandemonium. There will be little Dejans everywhere, all being bullied over their association with an ageing defender most likely seeing out his playing days at Hajduk Split.

Considering that Liverpool boast a whole host of legendary centre-backs, calling a child "Dejan" would be practically insulting. If you have to name your newborn son after a footballer – if you absolutely insist – then name him after Steve Nicol, Gary Ablett or Barry Venison. Thankfully, with prosaic names like theirs, you can pay tribute to your favourite footballer without anybody noticing.