Guys Who Sit Down to Pee: Why?

Before we start, it’s worth saying there’s nothing wrong with the occasional lovely sit down and a wee with a bit of content on your phone. A ‘posh piss’ let’s call it. Sometimes you’re a bit fucked; sometimes it’s a shy bladder; sometimes you need time away from whatever’s on the outside of that bathroom door. Married men may wish to linger, for example, and many trans guys sit out of necessity, not choice. But that doesn’t mean it’s a popular move across the globe. Quite the reverse.

According to a recent YouGov survey, on sitting and standing, it turns out there’s massive variance between countries. Of the 13 countries polled, Germany came out on top for sitting down. Forty percent of men say they sit down to pee “every time”, and 22 percent sit “most times”. Only 10 percent say they never sit. Sweden comes second in Europe, with 50 percent of men saying they sit down all or most of the time. 

Compare this with Britain, where only nine percent sit “every time”, and 15 percent sit “most times”. Thirty-three percent say they never do it. Because of course we don’t. The US were only marginally more pro sitting than the UK, with 46 percent of men sitting some, most, or all of the time. Thirty-one percent say they never do. Of the 13 nations, only Poland and Mexico are more sit-phobic than Brits. It’s worth remembering too that men might be less reliable in self-reporting their tendency to sit.

It’s a fairly loaded topic, and there’s quite a lot to unpack. So I tracked down a proud British stander upper to gain further insight.

“Why have a urinal if you don't intend to use it?” 28-year-old London-based engineer Wilson – not his real name – says. “Then there's the environmental considerations: Every time you pee in a toilet, you're more likely to flush it to prevent the stagnation of piss – that doesn't happen in urinals. You waste unnecessary water.”

“I don't always want someone to think I'm shitting,” Wilson continues. “Work toilets are particularly bad for this, nobody says it but it can be embarrassing for some people being caught walking out of a cubicle because the pretence is that they have shat.”

“Also, you gotta pick your spots – train toilets no, club toilets no, curry house toilets no.”

On top of that, there’s the implied shame coming from the fairer sex: Three women – including the author’s partner, in one particularly fraught exchange – told me that the thought of a guy they’re seeing predominantly sitting down to pee was “a bit of an ick”. And yet in 2014, researchers at Leiden University Medical Center found that sitting down has its medical benefits.

Guys can empty their bladder quicker and more fully if they sit, which can be beneficial if your prostate is enlarged prostate, or if you have urinary tract issues. But the benefits are basically confined to men with those specific problems.

There’s also the respite sitting down and actually taking a pause brings, which might provide mental health benefits. Sometimes fellas are just plain tired, too. Some even have urinal phobia.

The feminist take might be that sitting down is more respectful to women, whereas some men may feel sitting down would present an unnecessary feminisation and domestication. Just another dagger in the enlarged prostate of traditional masculinity. 

I managed to chat to some German pee-sitting men to shed a bit of light on the YouGov data. Collectively, these guys are known as “sitzpinklers” in Germany, which from the off says something mildly feminizing about how German society sees them, despite sitzpinklers being in the majority, which is a bit weird.

“I find it more hygienic to sit down peeing if there is no urinal,” one 36-year-old man from Berlin says. “Anyone who’s peed into a low toilet bowl while standing and felt some droplets on their shin knows what I'm talking about. It’s also just a nice opportunity to sit down, relax, and enjoy the moment.”

Is there anything specific to Germany that might explain why men are more likely to sit there than elsewhere? 

“I'm not exactly sure,” he says. “But especially in Berlin, you can see many restaurants and bars with stickers in their restrooms requesting people to sit down. Someone started it, and then it somehow spread and we became a country of “Sitzpinkler“, I guess…”

There’s also the hygiene angle: Tadd Truscott, an American professor of mechanical engineering, told the Guardian that tiny piss droplets can travel a couple of metres and basically spray the whole of your bathroom, including your toothbrushes.

“I always try to sit first,” Patrick, a 37-year-old project manager from Berlin says. “If the toilet is very dirty and there is only one, I quit. But sitting is simply more relaxed, even when peeing.”

“You also have two hands-free with which you can read a newspaper or use a phone,” Patrick says. “It is also a question of respect. Some people have to sit and when I stand there is always the risk of something going wrong.”

“I think it's 50/50 (percentage of men who sit) and several men probably sit more often than they admit,” Patrick says. “Standing may still give them a feeling of power, but things may be different at home.”

So it seems pissing is a tricky business at times, and the way you do it as a guy seems to hinge on all sorts of personal, hygiene and socio-politcal issues specific to the culture and the pisser. Who’s to say what the right thing to do is? You just have to find what works for you, I guess. At least you have the choice.

Because I mean, they kind of don’t in Germany. There, they even have a device called the WC-Geist, or toilet ghost, which goes under the toilet seat and admonishes you to piss sitting down if you lift it up. Sometimes the WC-Geist features a disembodied voice of Angela Merkel, which, yeah. Perhaps that’s the price you pay for living in a fairly progressive society.

Neither German I spoke to knew anything about it, though. “I haven’t found any Angela Merkel ghosts yet,” Patrick says. 

@niche_t_