Jerking Off
Our Prison Correspondent Is Back in Prison
Yesterday we got some highly unbonerable news—Bert’s back in prison for six weeks after violating parole. (Meanwhile, the white-collar criminals who have destroyed the economy walk free yadda yadda yadda.) He’s going to try to write to us from inside...
How to Jerk Off at Work
No matter how much you love your job, there are still a million things that you would rather be doing than wasting away in a cube, deleting countless emails. Know what you would rather be doing? Sitting at home in your underwear and watching Judge Judy...
I Don’t Know Who My Father Is, but I Have Dry Earwax
Through the magic of earwax, I finally have a clue as to who my real dad is.
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The World's Greatest Job
I thought jizz moppers didn't exist anymore. Isn't it illegal to beat off in public places now?
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