This article originally appeared on VICE UK.
Jeremy Clarkson, LBC callers, dads – lend me your ears. I know you guys hate the environment. I get it. "Environment" is one of those words like "vegan" or "human rights" which makes the biliousness in you go haywire. It makes you think of people getting upset and crying about things, and no one likes a crier. Also, what has the environment ever done for you? It saps the skin and blood of dead things and turns them into macabre trees. Foxes tear up your bin liners and leave Lilt cans and antipasti packaging all over your hedges. There's dog shit all over everything all the time. The environment can go fuck itself, right?
Well, it may have gone fucked itself already, or rather we may have fucked it good and proper, as the month of April broke the global temperature record – the seventh consecutive month that this has happened. It beat it by the largest margin it ever has done, and means 2016 is on course to be the most sweltering year planet Earth has seen since everything was on fire and melting back in the day.
According to boffins, El Niño, which is warm Pacific water warming all the shit up, is responsible for this surge in heat; however, this doesn't account for the extreme and rapid global warming that we've been experiencing.
Regardless of what you think about the Green Party, we should probably have a look at doing something about this heating planet. The reason I don't like saunas is because they make me think that's what Earth would be like if global warming happened. It's happening guys. The saunas are here.
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