Advertisement
Stuff

Someone Is Trying to Crowdfund a Beer Made from Vaginas

This might be the worst IndieGoGo campaign of all time.

by Allie Conti
31 March 2016, 12:00am

Screencap via IndieGoGo

You can make beer out of anything. Beard yeast, moon dust, frankincense and myrrh—fuck it. Life's a rich tapestry, and there's a bottomless demand for novelty ales.

But a Polish man named Wojciech Mann is promising a new beer, a beer that will evoke the "quintessence of femininity." He's launched an IndieGoGo campaign on behalf of his company Order of Yoni to fund this brave new product. It's called Bottled Instinct, and if he gets his desired 150,000 euros (about $168,000), it will be the first-ever beer made from the lactic acid bacteria "from vagina of a unique woman." (The IndieGoGo page and the Order of Yoni site are both written in broken English.)

The unique woman in question is a Czech model named Alexandra Brendlova, "the kind of a female whose pheromones will stay with you after the meeting for the following week long."

To his credit, Mann realised that people would have questions and created a handy FAQ to address them. Yes, he reassures potential Bottled Instinct drinkers, this is entirely safe. As for the model's "history," Mann says, "Yes, every model in the beer project has to sign the contract with high penalty for working in adult industry, sex industry, as adult actress, escort, prostitute, etc., etc., etc."

And if you are worried that this beer––with its main selling point being that it once made contact with a lady's genitals–– is sort of gross, the Order of Yoni wants you to know that it is unconcerned about "feminists' attack":

"Firstly, Yoni is a sacred Hindu name of vagina and it symbolises our respect to vagina as a sacrum. In Indian and many of other cultures sexuality including vagina are parts of sacrum, are respected and we are convinced such respect should be also present in our modern Western culture. Secondly, vaginal lactobacillus bacteria are transferred from a mother to a child during childbirth, so mother's Yoni bacteria are becoming part of child's immune system. The Order believes the beer is a tribute to our mothers and a tribute to the act of childbirth. It is far, far from disrespect for a woman."

Anticipating its first product will be a hit, the Order has listed some plans for future beers, including BDSM ale, "made with smoked plums and vaginal lactic acid bacteria of red-head or brunette model" and a "sour ancient wheat ale with roses" that the company will call "Isis."

So far, the IndieGoGo campaign has raised 11 euros in six days, though Mann is clearly prepared for some major donations: The reward for donating 10,000 euros is 60 bottles of beer made from your girlfriend's vaginal bacteria.

Follow Allie Conti on Twitter.

Tagged:
beer
Alcohol
crowdfunding
yeast
vagina
Vice Blog
beer brewing