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Trump Apparently Can't Wait to Write a Tell-All Memoir Once He's Out of Office

He's reportedly "excited" to trash all of his enemies in the book.

by River Donaghey
Apr 5 2019, 4:25pm

Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images

Apparently Donald Trump isn't too busy crusading against windmills and picking posthumous beefs with former first ladies to start plotting ways to cash in on his presidency once he's out of office. According to the Daily Beast, Trump has been talking about penning a tell-all memoir since his first months in the White House—and the guy is "excited" to start ripping his enemies some new assholes on the page.

From the Daily Beast:

[One] source, who is a friend of Trump’s, said the president has casually discussed how such a book could be used to dish dirt and settle scores with his foes in the media, the Democratic Party, non-loyal Republicans, law enforcement, and even individuals in his own administration. Trump, according to this person, noted that this memoir could help “correct” the “fake news” already published in popular books and newspapers, and give him the opportunity to spin a juicy yarn on his time at the heights of power.

Another person close to Trump told the Beast that Trump once said the new book could sell "better than even The Art of the Deal." He also dangled some insider information about an anonymous Democratic senator's illicit history during a presser last fall, but wouldn't go into details because he wanted to "save it for a book."

"I'm not giving it to you," he said.

Trump's 1987 ghostwritten bestseller, Art of the Deal, focuses mostly on business advice and his daily phone call regimen, periodically interspersed with personal anecdotes about the time he punched his teacher in elementary school or whatever. But it sounds like this new memoir will fall in line with his more recent literary output like Crippled America and Time to Get Tough—namely, book-length airings of Trump's numerous grievances, bestowed with titles that sound like forgotten Steven Seagal movies.

Crack open a copy Crippled America at any point and you'll find angry Trump screeds against his enemies, including, but not limited to: China, Iran, Obama, climate scientists, and "tree huggers." The world objectively does not need another goddamn Trump book, let alone one that will be full of him settling all the numerous scores from his presidency. Just peruse his Twitter for a few minutes and marvel at how much of the rumored memoir's word count will be spent on stupid nicknames alone. God help us all.

Regardless, given how many bestsellers about Trump's tenure have already pulled in massive stacks of cash, it makes sense that the guy wants to get a taste of it himself. Apologies to the poor ghostwriter who is tasked with molding Trump's handwritten "Sloppy Steve Bannon" doodles into a cohesive narrative—but also, fuck you, find a better job.

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.