Welcome to The Worst Take of the Week – a weekly column in which NEO, AKA @MULLET_FAN NEO, crowns the wildest hot take of the week.
Story: A Brexit Party candidate has invented a bin for homeless people to sleep in, and called it a "sleep pod".
Reasonable Take: Has a multi-millionaire just fastened two wheelie bins together and called it a "sleep pod"?
Brain rot: "I have fastened two wheelie bins together and called it a 'sleep pod'. That'll be a £100, please." – Peter Dawe, OBE.
This week, British multi-millionaire Peter Dawe unveiled his new "invention", called the "sleep pod". In his keynote presentation, the tech entrepreneur showcased his solution to the homelessness crisis, which was less Steve Jobs unveiling the iPhone and more "Brexit Party candidate heaves himself into two wheelie bins he has fastened together with a metal rod beside a village road while celebrating the excellent value for money it affords".
The former Brexit Party candidate, who unsuccessfully ran in the constituency of Cambridge in last year's General Election, says the invention costs "just £100" – and he hopes his design "will go global and people will be using these as sleep pods around the world".
Sir, I present to you British Soil™. There's 2.61019 trillion square ft of it in a range of textures, so plenty of space to pick a place for the night. Now, that'll be £100 please.
The fact this man says his invention costs "just £100", when all he’s obviously done is literally bound two wheelie bins together before hoisting himself into one like he's going down Storm Surge at Thorpe Park, shows how wacky a mind we are dealing with. One hundred pounds. I’m going to rewatch the video after a night out to remind myself those six Sambucas at 4AM and the consequential "cleaning fee" for my Uber home is arguably better money spent than this shit.
In Dawe’s video, showcasing his creation as if he’s appealing for investment, we get a sense of what Dragons' Den could have been like if all business pitches were exclusively fielded from drunken fox-hunters leaving a pub in Buckinghamshire.
Dawe said he first came upon the idea of his "sleep pod" after seeing on the telly "rough sleepers complaining they had been kicked and pissed upon". Then, while building a prototype for a single person car that was "also made from a bin", he discovered how comfortable it was inside. "I was actually quite delighted," he said. "It was definitely comfier than sleeping on the ground in a tent. It was totally draught proof – in fact, it's storm proof. It’s really cosy, comfortable and dry."
If only there was something in existence that protected humans from the elements and was warm, dry and had surrounding walls which you could sleep safely in. Alas, two bins strapped together!
Please, for the love of God, can someone stop this man from making things out of bins? Especially things that have already been invented. He needs to be stopped before he turns Britain into a giant Legoland made from Biffas.
The Brexiter businessman did acknowledge that his invention was like "Marmite" – that "some people think it's absolute genius" while "some people are actually horrified". Possibly horrified, I'd argue, because of the inescapable optics that a multimillionaire has invented a bin for homeless people for sleep in.
Labour leadership contender Rebecca Long-Bailey responded to Dawe’s proposed plan to help the homeless on Thursday by stating: "Or, as the world’s sixth richest country, we could just build enough decent homes that people can afford to live in."
Nothing feels more Brexit than seeing some fucking rich lad clambering into two bins and proclaiming he’s going to change the world for the better. There’s no escaping the fact that capitalism is so reductive people now think they're being benevolent simply by suggesting that containers for literal garbage can have a dual purpose as "pods" for human beings to sleep in.
When asked whether he had slept in his creation himself, Dawe said he hadn’t, but had "laid down in one for ten minutes". What’s that? A British multimillionaire right-winger not having to sleep in the bed he's made? Now that’s Brexit Britain, baby! Let the games commence!