Child poverty has been going on "for years". Why waste money addressing it now?
"I'm afraid that is what you get when you vote for socialists," the Tories' favourite Victorian ghoul told MPs this week.
Of course the Tories think the one area Britain is actually world-class in isn't "viable".
Boris Johnson dodged questions on the test-and-trace system this week with a rant about how awesome Britain is.
Jacob Rees-Mogg is not at all happy about people complaining they're being asked to drive up to 100 miles for coronavirus tests that aren't even available.
Laurence Fox shit the bed again this week upon discovering that he'd been blocked on Twitter by the BAFTA-winning actress, writer and comedian Rebecca Front.
1) No one is doing that, and 2) so much fuss over a song that doesn't even slap.
With the economy receding faster than Matt Hancock’s hairline, the long-suffering public were dealt another financial blow this week.
The same week we learned that Britain has the highest excess death rate and worst economic recession in the G7 due to COVID-19, Sky News and BBC Breakfast took to the seas to interview people seeking asylum.
This week brought a flurry of shit takes from Kirstie Allsopp, Charlie Mullins and Andrew Neil – the latter two speaking live on ITV from their continental villas.
If people weren't too stupid to notice the 53 pence disparity between two different potato products, perhaps 14 million wouldn't be in poverty across the UK, suggests Annunziata Rees-Mogg.