Are You Getting Any? I Don't Mind Having Less Sex Than My Friends

Juan would rather go out dancing than have 'awkward' casual sex.

by Nana Baah; photos by Tristan Bejawn
26 November 2019, 9:30am

All photos by Tristan Bejawn.

JUAN, 21

Quality of sex overall: 6/10
Frequency of sex: 4/10
Intimacy levels: 7/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck: 9/10
How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex: 8/10

VICE: Hi Juan. So, one of the first things you said to me was that you agree with one of our previous interviewees who doesn’t enjoy casual sex. Tell me more about that.
Juan: I was actually talking about it with my friends this morning. I feel like, to have good sex, you really need to know the other person. So, it’s a weird thing, like, this isn’t going to go anywhere and you aren’t going to put that much effort into it.

What do you mean?
You’re not going to discuss sex with them when you’re there because it’s awkward.

So, you never have casual sex?
I have once or twice. It wasn’t like a one-night-stand because I already knew them and I still talk to them. But the sex just wasn’t good.

Portrait by Tristan Bejawn
Juan finds it easy to meet people at the bar where he works.

It wasn’t good. Does that mean it was actively bad?
Yeah, it was bad! No one finished. It was just, like, really awkward for everyone. I didn’t enjoy it, so I wouldn’t put myself through it again.

Are you single right now?

And when was the last time you had sex?
August, I think.

How did you meet that person?
It was a girl from work who I started dating. I thought it might go somewhere but it didn’t work out.

Is that how you tend to meet people you sleep with?
Kind of. I have Tinder but I don’t really use it. It’s there, just in case. [Laughs.] But it’s mainly through talking to people at work.

What do you do for work?
I work in a bar.

So, it’s a pretty social job.
Yeah. My friends also work at bars, so I hang out in them a lot. There are constantly people coming in and out.

Portrait by Tristan Bejawn

Would you say that you and your friends are having the same amount of sex?
Definitely not. August was the last time for me, but before that, it was January. Most of my friends are definitely more frequent than that.

Are you the only one in your group of friends who has your view on casual sex?
Well, I might be, but my friend group is so varied. There are asexual people all the way to those who hook up with people a lot! So, I think I’m directly in the centre. [Laughs.] I don’t mind sex but also I don’t want to just hook up with random people.

What’s it like to have such a varied friend group, in terms of sexuality?
My friends have casual sex and I don’t care. My friend will talk about a thing he had with someone. He does it regularly, and we’ll laugh about it. I still think it’s fun to talk about.

Okay. So what do you think of the British Medical Journal research which says that young people are having less sex?
We’re more open when it comes to talking about sex. I feel like the older generations were more likely to go straight to sex. People went out just to hook up with someone. You had that whole thing where a guy has to pick up a girl in a bar.

So, you think there’s less societal pressure now?
Yeah. Everyone can kind of do what they want, and people can explore their sexuality more at their own pace. For asexual people, no one could really just say, “No, I don’t like sex.” It would be odd, but now it’s a bit more accepted.

Portrait by Tristan Bejawn

And what do you think of the suggestion that social media is to blame for people shagging less?
No, I don’t think it’s true. Sex just isn’t a priority, you have to pay rent and go to work. I’d rather use free time to go out dancing with friends, without having to worry about hooking up with someone.

Has your view on sex and sexuality always been this way?
No, I grew up in Argentina, which is a really sexist country. My dad still calls me gay if I wear a pink shirt or something. We kind of grew up with this whole [idea that] women shouldn’t be open about it. A woman is killed every 24 hours in Argentina. But feminism is getting really big now.

What was it like growing up bisexual in Argentina?
It was weird. No one talked about it or was open about it. I went to a Catholic school, so it was weird and I only told my close friends.

And how have you felt since moving to London?
You see gay people openly on the street here, it’s so nice. It’s nothing like Argentina. I can be more show off-y about it now. [Laughs.] I mean, dungarees are not very gay, but my parents wouldn’t have let me wear them. I can wear whatever now.

I’m glad. Thanks, Juan!

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Sex and sexuality
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