Last Sunday, Trystan Mesenburg returned to his old apartment to pick up some of his belongings with his girlfriend. It was a pretty mundane scene, but it took a very aggressive turn when Mesenburg got a little greedy and decided to throw his former roommate's frozen pizza rolls in his moving box.
That's when Travis Vartorella, the rightful owner of the pizza rolls, emerged from the darkness brandishing a three-foot metal sword, seeking restitution and ordering Mesenburg to "leave his fucking pizza rolls alone." As outlandish as this sounds, it's gist of a recent Norwalk, Ohio police report posted online by the Smoking Gun.
Sure, every person has the right to protect their pizza rolls, but according to the police report (and common sense), wielding a huge sword to do so was enough for Vartorella to be arrested and charged with aggravated menacing. He was even booked into Huron County jail and later released on bond.
"Trystan allegedly placed a box of Travis's pizza in his box and Travis pulled a sword out," according to the police report written by the officer who arrived on scene. "He told me he removed the sword from its sheath and held it in his hand while telling Trystan to stop stealing things."
But this case wasn't even the first pizza roll incident to gain national attention this month. On July 4, a North Carolina couple was arrested after they had "assaulted each other by throwing pizza rolls at each other." They were both charged with assault for the "mutual domestic combat," according to the Smoking Gun.
And while Vartorella remains innocent until proven guilty of pizza-roll-provoked violence, it's not exactly difficult to imagine why Mesenburg would want to move out. A convicted sex offender, he was found guilty of providing obscene material to a 13-year-old girl he met online and sentenced to four years probation.
But there's also a chance that he could end up back in prison if he violated the terms of his probation, which may or may not include threatening people with a three-foot sword because they stole a pizza roll.
Yet, Vartorella does not seem fazed by man-made law, and chooses instead to live and die by the sword.