Haberdashery Owner Attacked in Yogurt Convertible Drive-By
In an unprecedented display of douchebaggery, it would appear that somebody is driving around southwest England in an open convertible and targeting unsuspecting victims with dairy.
Photo via Flickr user Ralph Aichinger
Alison Nurton is a haberdashery owner in the sleepy town of Sherborne, England.
Last week, as she unlocked the door of her shop Butterfly Bright to set up for an evening crochet class, she probably had a few things on her mind, like "Am I on time?" or "Do I have enough materials for my pupils?" or "Which pattern shall I teach them tonight?"—the usual haberdashery stuff.
Odds are that the last thing on her mind was the risk of being hit from behind in an unprovoked drive-by yogurt attack.
But in an unprecedented display of douchebaggery, someone is reportedly driving around southwest England in an open convertible and targeting unsuspecting victims like Nurton, who is now understandably quite rattled by the whole ordeal.
"As I was unlocking the door, I heard a loud bang and felt something splatter in front of me, I thought it was an egg at first, and then I saw the broken yogurt pot on the floor and realised that I was covered in yogurt," Nurton told local paper the Central Somerset Gazette. "It was all over the door, pavement, and wall of the shop entrance as well."
And as Nurton tried to make sense of what had just happened to her, she turned around only to see the culprit from behind, peeling away with the top down, presumably grinning ear-to-ear with yogurt-covered hands clutching the steering wheel, looking for another victim with predacious eyes.
"I turned around to see a convertible car with its roof down disappearing off down Cheap Street, I wasn't able to get the registration as I was in such shock," Nurton explained, adding that she was mostly pissed off by the sheer stupidity of the attack. "I was very shaken and angry as it was dark and the whole incident was frightening and quite upsetting."
And while yogurt has a myriad of health benefits and can even power cities, its use as a weapon is far less common than the messier and cheaper chicken egg—but clearly nothing is too fancy for the roofless prankster.
Though police wouldn't comment on the drive-by, the yogurt plot thickened just a few miles down the highway only a few hours after the haberdashery attack.
"It seems it wasn't an isolated incident as another yogurt pot was seen on the pavement outside the Crown Pub on the A30 the same night," she told the Central Somerset Gazette. "I just hope someone more frail than me was not left in a worse state than I was after such an unnecessary and childish prank."