The VICE staff's personally vetted recommendations to help us all survive the very strange time that is coronavirus quarantine.
Advertisement
Advertisement
In between these weekends, we will see our friends briefly in the city. But it is the weekends in the Hamptons we know they—and by extension us, because we are living through them—crave. It is here that we will, without fail, see Carl, a softboi dying to be a fuckboy, become romantically entangled with yet another women in the house despite the fact that they have absolutely just witnessed him already crash and burn with someone who is probably a close friend. Is it because he's tall? Whatever the case, his shorts are too short, your parents getting a divorce is no excuse for a 35-year-old man to have commitment issues, and when Jules asked him to tell her about his foursome (???) on a recent episode, his response was "Fivesome."There are so many reasons reality television can be bad or good, but the reality aspect of it is key: however much there's drama, some part of it, however minute, has to feel real. The friends of Summer House are unabashedly in each other's business, to the point where the only real code of conduct they seem to believe in is you are absolutely allowed to ask deeply personal questions about what sexual activities someone got into with someone else, preferably when they're both present. This somehow allows them to remain messy in an exaggerated but deeply accurate way, and also keep liking each other? Such a dynamic prompts them to ask each other important questions like "Have you ever smelled a weird dick?" or "Why can’t she be eaten out for an hour and a half and everyone be happy for her?" It allows for them to say things like "I was balls deep in tacos last night and I wanted her taco" or "I thought Jules was getting railed with the door open, but it was you getting railed with the door shut, that’s how loud it was." Such events are sadly likely not in our near future; this year, though humans will, as they always do, try to Find a Way, Dockers and Southhampton Publick House will hardly have the thump they once did. But on Summer House, the air is balmy, the drinks are flowing, and time has stopped.Follow Kate Dries on Twitter.