Shot Gun

All illustrations by Ed Selleck

My little brother Ed likes to draw guns; in fact amazingly accurate and detailed pictures of all kinds of guns. Ed makes other children's psychosis art seem lady-boy lame-o and he shits all over them because he's the real deal. His drawings are so good that even the mistakes he tries to rub out are incredible. Ed is one of the nicest, most grounded kids I know. I can only guess that everything he knows about firearms has come from movies and video games. At eleven years old I'm fairly sure that he has never even seen a real gun before. Every time we watch a film though, he pulls out his specialist encyclopedia and informs us, in Asperger like fashion, of details such as the weight, country of origin and rounds per second of each weapon. Last week Ed took his book of gun drawings to school camp. He goes to a half-Steiner school in Footscray where they worship the winter solstice and practice a body harmony thing called Eurhythmy. Sounds open-minded right? Wrong. The book was confiscated on day one and Ed was told it was inappropriate. Well I say "fuck you, you saggy booby tools-of-crime haters!" Ed knows he can only shoot at mystical beings and stuff made of tin. In fact, right now, he has three baby bunny rabbits in his lap suckling at his polyester t-shirt and he doesn't even want to kill them. Sure, Ed's love of guns is bordering on obsession, but he is a young boy for Chrissakes! He should be into guns. Why not a little professor of guns? Here's what Ed had to say. VICE: So what's your favourite gun?
Ed: Heckler and Koch SOCOM—(Ed spelt that one out for me). Why's that?
Because it has a silencer and a laser sight. Do you intend to use a gun?
Only in war. Do you want to kill anyone?
Not really. What do you think is nice?
Um, chocolate, money, family and pets. How many rounds in an AK47?
30, but you can make bigger ones. What do you think of violence?
Doesn't usually bring good things. War?
Paintball. Your friends?
Fun. There we go. He'll be just fine.