Food by VICE

Desperate Customer Asks Pizza Place To Deliver a Roll of Toilet Paper

And yes, Firehouse Pizza delivered.

by Jelisa Castrodale
Mar 20 2017, 3:00pm

Photo via Flickr user GorillaSushi

If you're down to your last few squares of toilet paper but don't feel like leaving your house, your options for restocking your bathroom spindle are usually limited to Amazon Prime Now, whatever grocery apps deliver to your apartment, or sending a desperate text to your closest friend. But an innovative lazy person in Ireland discovered a new way to have TP brought to his or her doorstep: by ordering it from a pizza place.

Chloe Mythen, a supervisor at Firehouse Pizza in Dublin, tweeted a picture of a delivery order that a customer placed on Thursday night. "If you have a spare roll of toilet paper in the restaurant, could you bring it please?" the as-yet-unidentified customer asked. "I'm screaming," she wrote. "I love my job."

The request manages to be both pathetic and polite, conjuring mental images of someone sitting sadly on their own toilet, typing out a To Go order on Firehouse's website. (If you weren't already thinking about an Irish stranger with his or her pants bunched around their ankles, you are now. You're welcome). Also, the customer is either pessimistic about how the rest of the night is going to go, or it's a regular Firehouse patron who knows exactly what's going to happen after one ingests a pizza topped with chorizo, Cajun chicken, sweet corn and caramelized red onion.

According to Dublin Live, Mythen wasn't at the restaurant that night, but the picture circulated on the staff's WhatsApp account. It's not the first time Firehouse has fielded a weird-ass online order through the Just Eat delivery app, either. Last month, Mythen shared some of the more, um, notable requests the restaurant has received, including the customer who asked if they could write "Surprise, Motherfucka" on the box and the one who promised to "flash a titty" in exchange for extra garlic mayonnaise.

But back to Thursday night. Yes, Firehouse delivered, on both counts, so if you're ever stuck and don't mind paying upwards of $13 for a roll of double-ply, now you know what to do.