There's a Very Normal New Cooking Show Where Cannons Shoot Food in Chefs' Faces

Earlier this year, Saturday Night Live did a fantastically bonkers parody of Chopped, which involved a live kitten on a hamburger bun, required Dame Emma Thompson DBE to enunciate the line "She had a harder time with the five-pound horse penis," and a steak sauce made with marshmallow fluff, which may have been a required ingredient on an actual Chopped episode. Best of all, the sketch clocked in at just under three minutes, which is the maximum amount of time that jokes about horse penises and reality shows require.

"I love these types of skits where it's regular shows but insanely out of proportion," one YouTube commenter wrote about the sketch, and man oh man, is she the target audience for a new show from the creator of Chopped.

According to Deadline, the soon-to-launch streaming service Quibi is going to have its own cooking show called Dishmantled. Instead of being given a ridiculous assortment of ingredients to assemble, or vague instructions about appetizers, the chefs-turned-contestants on Dishmantled will be blindfolded, a "mystery dish" will be loaded into an on-set cannon, and that food is going to be shot right into their faces.

"They’ll use their culinary prowess to identify the exploded dish and then race against the clock to recreate it," Deadline explains. "Whichever chef comes closest to the original dish wins a cash prize." Please read all of that again, focusing on the concept. Some kind of prepared food will be loaded into a cannon, and it will be SHOT INTO THE FACES of the two contestants. Next year is gonna be great, you guys.

The show was created by Chopped creator and exec producer Linda Lea and her own Good Egg Entertainment, and it will be hosted by the eternally delightful Tituss Burgess, your fave part of every Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt episode.

Quibi is scheduled to debut its impressive lineup of both food cannon and non-food cannon-related programming sometime next April. The network has already promised 7,000 (!!!) different titles, and has everything from a courtroom show starring Chrissy Teigen to a "modern zombie story" undoubtedly pulled from the darker folds of Guillermo del Toro's brain. How can it do this? We have no idea, but part of it could be that the runtime for every episode of every show will be 10 minutes, max.

They haven't said that five-pound horse penises will be involved, but they haven't said that they won't be either.