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No, because, listen: I asked our tame office punk what being punk is, and he said, "Anti-authoritarian, anarchist, not fans of work, usually own a very high horse upon which they sit." That's Big Princey P. "Spoiled brats with pure choice in hair." He is describing Prince Philip. With John Lydon little more than a boggle-eyed butter shill, Prince Philip is now as punk as it gets. Put the man in a leather jacket and shave an inverted mohawk his hair, and nobody would blink. Get him to pierce himself with a safety pins while touring the West Midlands in a shitty van, and he'd be right at home. Think about it: Prince Philip has almost certainly said "fuck the Queen" to the actual Queen. Dude is a thousand, a million times more punk than you.On NOISEY: 50 Things That Are Definitely, 100 Percent Confirmed Punk
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Listen, I'm all for bumrushing Buckingham Palace and pulling the monarchy out by their fat necks, kicking them all in the bollocks or tits, spitting in their faces, setting fire to the castles and the gold, and pulling statues down from their plinths. Make a Facebook event of that and invite me. Sundays are not good for me, but Saturdays are.But listen, leave Prince Philip out of it. Spare him, for all of our sakes. Because Prince Philip is not just the Guinness World Record holder for "Man Who Most Looks Like, from Photos, Most Looks Like Smells Extremely of Piss." Prince Philip is a philosophy, a way of life. Do we not all aspire to be ancient and well fed and vital enough to ask a hard-working women's group whether they are on the benno? Do we not all wish to make it to 94 and say "fucking" with such disdain newspapers write about it? Do we not all, VICE readers, kind of want to have sex with a monarch? Prince Philip is all that and more. Long may he go to underfunded community centers and remind us of that.Follow Joel Golby on Twitter.Trending on VICE Sports: Observations of a Football Fan at Wimbledon