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Eric Andre

Eric Andre Should Be Trump's Next Chief of Staff

The comedian has an innate understanding of chaos—and he would end politics as we know it.

by Eve Peyser
Dec 14 2018, 10:44pm

Image by author via Getty Images/Wikimedia Commons

Donald Trump has a problem: Not even scandal-plagued former New Jersery Governor Chris Christie wants to be his next White House chief of staff. That leaves the president reportedly struggling to fill a once-coveted position, which John Kelly will be vacating in 2020. On Twitter Friday evening, Trump announced that Mick Mulvaney, the current Director of the Office of Management, will serve as acting chief of staff, but he's still seeking someone permanent for the gig. (Reportedly, Jared Kushner is being considered.)

Much like hosting the Oscars, the seemingly enviable and high-profile job is actually undesirable—whoever decides to take on the role of organizing the chaotic White House is bound to fail, and runs the risk of destroying their reputation by implicating themselves in the bad behavior of the administration. It's doubtful that anyone can rein in the mayhem teeming from Trump's pores. That's why the White House needs somebody who embodies chaos, who isn't afraid to act wild and lawless.

So who better than comedian Eric Andre?

As I wrote in an article earlier this month on why Andre would make a great host for the Academy Awards, he is bound to "yield high ratings and may even be written about in the history books." But honestly, Andre is above a petty gig like emceeing an award show—he deserves more influence and power, which is why he belongs in the West Wing. Here are all the reasons why:

He has a penchant for destruction

This would give him and the president something to bond over!

He isn't afraid to be controversial

Eric Andre has said the following things:

  • "You ever bone your grandma to death? Talk about going out with a bang."
  • "I was jacking off to a scene from Django Unchained the other night, and I said, ‘It’s no Roots,’ but then I came anyway."
  • "Gwyneth Paltrow is a leech on society, and she needs to be stopped immediately. If we don't put a stop to Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwyneth Paltrow is gonna put a stop on us."
  • "Not a lot of people know this, but L. Ron Hubbard was a black man."

Meaning that no matter what crazy shit Trump says, Andre will always be able to refocus the news cycle.

Literally nobody else wants the job

Eric Andre, on the other hand, is desperate for a job.

Like Trump, he made a splash at the 2016 Republican Convention

"I want you to have sex with my wife," Andre told Trump ally Alex Jones.

He could intimidate the Trump cabinet into submission

Former Marine general John Kelly was unable to keep the White House in order, but if you look at the interviews Andre did on The Eric Andre Show, it's clearly the comedian has a unique ability to make people uncomfortable.

As chief of staff, Andre would use his shameless antics to his benefit, and make sure that Trump and his staffers stay in line.

He just has the right energy

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